The funny thing about lists is that usually, unless some sort of argument breaks out, you find it won't last 15 minutes. Depending, of course, on how amenible your H is. It's like trying to come up with a 20 minute speech and no matter how you try, you can't get it past 7 minutes. Is your boss renting this house to you? You don't want to get anything while still married that he can make claim to. I don't believe a move, with all the wonderful reasons you have, is shutting the door. It's just proving you are willing and able to go on with your life. And don't bring up the D. Tell him all talk about that is off the table, but in a nice way. If worse comes to worse, you could always have the court auction your home, if it's really not worth as much as you owe. Just to get out from under the debt. JMHO
CW, All I can offer is support. I haven't been through what you're facing yet so I have nothing to draw on. Hopefully others can chime in with their wisdom and experience.
punkin...thanks. So far, H has been very amicable about stuff. I dind't know that it was an option to have the court auction it off. I had a market analysis done on it and it is about $20,000 shy of what we owe!
I don't know why I am thinking of it as "shutting the door".
My boss would be willing to rent it to me until after the D is final....
SA, thankyou for your support! Means a lot!
I am going to pray on this!!!!
And Mila! Thank you too! Hope you all have a good weekend too!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
CW - You have obviously thought about your meeting in detail...you sound prepared and strong. Stick to your plan and don't let him rattle you. I'll be thinking of you, hopefully all goes well.
I have been thinking about the house...if it would seem like you are shutting the door...honestly I don't think it would make any difference....it's not the house that would bring him back...it's you...wherever you are. IMO.
Take care (((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Good for you that you are so organized! That will give you confidence in your meeting.
FWIW, Jody (DB coach) advised me to use these negotiating sessions with H to supercharge my 180s. He will be surprised if you don't outwardly resist him (you need to resist in more sneaky ways). If you resist him in these conversations it will justify his decision to leave in his MLC mind. Use this as an opportunity to show him the old CW that he fell in love with. I know that you need to get answers for some of these issues now, but for issues that you DON"T need answered now, you can use these sessions as opportunities to put doubt in your H's mind. Also, when you get to the point of negotiating the specific terms of your D, if you can extend these sessions it will slow down the process.
For those issues that you and H disagree about, plan ways to make your points without being confrontational. For example, you can say "I'm confused about......" or try to make your point by asking a question instead of stating your opinion.
I DB'ed my a$$ off during our negotiating convos. H came to our home (where I was living) and I always dressed very nicely, with nice make-up, hair nicely done.........on a number of occasions I made fresh bread and had a fire in the fireplace. Several times we ended up reminiscing about some very happy times we'd had. My sweet cat, always came up to him and gave him lots of loving.
If you approach this will a cool, calm demeanor you can go a long way toward preventing this situation from spiraling out of control.
H had a bunch of pics, I will describe them as his favorite things (hot rod, D with leg cast, his mountain lion, wild turkeys that were in our yard, one with all of us with SS when he got back from Iraq etc) on the fridge in the garage. I had taken them off the fridge and put them on the work bench along with the nascar magnets that were holding some of them up. I meant to put them in one of his boxes but forgot. I was out there today looking for a screwdriver and they were gone. I asked the kids what happened to them and they said that "Dad took them"...magnets were still there.
Probably means nothing at all...just found it interesting!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
