After Exposure - Keep It Going

[Quicksilver264]

QS... you need to STOP looking for NEGATIVES... you chase them like a kid chases an ice cream truck...

If you hear a bell you think it could be an ice cream truck and you start running down the street to find it.

STOP THAT or I am gonna VIRTUAL KICK you in the ARSE

What should I be focusing on then? NOTHING positive comes out of this woman. I know I have to focus on ME. But since we live together (for now) we do have to interact sometimes. I think I am over analyzing too much with her. I guess you just can't rationalize a person in her position's thinking. Either they come out of it, or they don't.

I don't know how much is "fog" anymore, and how much is just plain "I want away from him". Still I know I shouldn't listen to it. I am getting sooo much better at poker though.

She has spent significantly LESS time on Facebook recently, and I guess I will take that as a positive sign in all this.

She slept for 3.5 hours today in a nap, which she almost never has been doing. She even went to bed at 10:30 pm last night and slept until 8:30am.

I am starting to accept more and more that this divorce is going to happen. It's not that I don't have hope or am focusing on the negative, it's just that I see how far gone she is and I am accepting reality as it is.

Allen I really do wish there was a switch in my brain that I could turn off so it stops looking for negatives. But I guess my brain just wants ANYTHING from her, even negative. My IC said it's like I am starving and looking for table scraps. And it makes me feel pathetic.

I am also starting to see the horrid way she treats me, and I sooooo deserve better. She is no longer my WIFE because she is only focusing on HERSELF, and cares nothing for how I am feeling.

She has tried to take her parents away from me, my house, my dogs, and my dignity. It's starting to add up for me, and I am seeing that I DO deserve better.

That still doesn't take away the pain though...