Beyond Depression..but still a losing battle?

[Lucky11too]

CTH - A little of a mistype there. The tonsilectomy cures the sleep apnea which improves the ADD. H has always had ADD but it's just been in overdrive the last few years, so the pychiatrist had told H, that he thought fixing his sleep apnea thru the tonsillectomy would therefore greatly improve his brain function (restoring oxygen) and therefore greatly improve is ADD (but not actually a cure tho). Now it's a wait and see game since it takes awhile for your brain to recover.

So it's been an interesting yet kind of disappointing weekend. I have continued to try to live my own life and come off as detached with H, but haven't done quite as well the last 2 days. So Thursday night, I get a text from H saying he's going crazy again (I'm already asleep). A few hours later (2am), I get a text that he had punched holes thru his wall. What?! I'm trying to figure out what's going on and trying to make sure he's stable again, only to find out this had actually happened several hours ago. He had gone out with his uncle and something had enraged him and beat up the wall (improvement over last year b/c at least the wall is an inanimate object). So everything is fine now (if you can call it that), so I go back to sleep. The next morning, my alarm goes off, and I'm laying in bed for a few extra minutes and H calls me! Basically that call was all about me - how he wants to do this and that for me, how me wants to get me a spa day b/c "I deserve it", how he wants to take me on a trip next month (cruise or vegas - but I can't do vegas anymore w/ him after the OW2 incident), and how he wants to take me out and basically show me off. I totally fell for it all. We make plans to hang out last night b/c he wanted to take me to the new place they're looking at buying. Last night went good. We checked out the place (which is actually nicer than I had thought it would be) and had some good us time.

Today, I got up with S and we had a fun day in the kiddie pool (H got up eventually and finally joined us). I had wanted to talk to him about us to make sure we we're on the same page, so I finally took the chance to before he left. I started with "are we dating exclusively now?" (back to his analogy about us being like b/f g/f right now until this all works it way out) We went back and forth but basically it came down to him saying that he can't commit to me right now b/c he's still crazy (as evidence by the wall incident)and needs to work on himself and getting his own life going first (ie - new place). I agree with that yes, but my comment was that I need to know if he wants to be talking to other people or not (& if that's what he wants, then he's not talking to me) b/c I don't want to get hurt again. He avoids it by saying how he talks to a lot of people and how b/c he's in the bar business, it's just different. It just didn't give me a very settled feeling. We had also talked about how he's been in a down place recently as he said started 4th of july weekend (including me pissing him off) Whoa! Stop right there. I let him know I had every right to call him out. So, I don't know, it's just all kind of weird right now. H also talked alot about future things, like us living here or there and doing this or that (like years in the furute) So it's like he wants to be with me, but just can't commit, but continues to hold onto his issues as the excuse. It's hard, b/c that's definitely true, but I feel like it's putting me into a very dangerous place emotionally as I "wait" for him to get better. I just feel very annoyed now but his lack of commitment to me, especially after all the things he said yesterday morning. Confused too... =/