I agree with OT. If he won't become transparent, like access to his itunes, emails or whatever, then clearly he is hiding stuff he doesn't want you to see. If he doesn't choose that, though, since he's the father of your son, I'd give him a week or something to move his stuff and himself out. I would give him the chance though. He might surprise you.
Mishka I do think these things take time. It's not like you can turn back the clock and start where you left off.
I am in a very similar situation as yourself and am feeling very much what you are. I do know that my h commented yesterday to give him time.
None of this is right, but only you can decide if the journey is worth it. I agree the sex is awesome, but I know that it can't be what carries us into the future.
I did suggest to my h to change his phone number, so he may do this in the future. Maybe that would be a possibility for your ex too.
As far as St Johns Wart, it took about a monthfor me too, but I take it with 5htp and call it my happy pills. I really noticed the difference though when I didn't take them for about 2 weeks or more and was thinking they weren't helping, but it was like night and day when I stopped. So the pills might be working, but you are just not that aware.
I hope Mishka you can find some peace with your situation.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Dear mish, I've been reading along but not feeling so much I can give any valuable advice. Some things when I read them sound so predictable, not necessarily bad, just predictable.
Instead of making assumptions, etc etc everytime something happens, face your fears and talk straight to him AFTER you have decided what would be acceptable or not for you. Just like others have already said. He has the right to choose to be a liar and a bastard, YOU have the right to choose NOT to live with a lying bastard, you cant change him, but you can decide who you want to be by your side in your life and how you want to be treated. I agree with OT. You are NOT a victim. YOU make choices. Make choices you can live with and be happy by. Do not sell yourself out. Not after all the things you've been through. Stick to yourself and if see what he does. Speak out and be clear. xxx K
I agree with K. Just had an hour of counseling yesterday where we talked about my FOO. Everyone on my mom's side is so passive/aggressive-victim mentality. Case in point: My aunt is caring for dying uncle. 8 yr old niece called her and said SHE (the kid) planned for herself and 2 other nieces to come spend the night Saturday, with aunt and uncle. [Their parents all like to go out and party so basically they just want the kids pawned off somewhere...sad family dynamics there.]
My mom called and told me this fuming that the cousins of mine would have the nerve to expect Aunt to watch kids while caring for Uncle. I said, "Did Aunt tell them it was a bad time?" Mom's answer, "She shouldn't have to, they should know that and not ask..." I said, "And Aunt should be a grown up and TELL them it doesn't work for her." Instead she chose to be a victim and complain to my mom about it.
Anyway it is all about patterns and not speaking up and 'suffering silently' instead of telling the other person directly what the problem is.
"If you are going to live in my house and have a R with me, I need transparency, including your e-mail and itunes passwords" doesn't give him any room to misunderstand what you mean.
If you're gonna put your foot down, make sure you do it in a way that gives him a chance. I.e. I need this or you need to find somewhere else to live cuz this isn't gonna work for me.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
No matter what happens, setting boundaries so that you care and respect YOURSELF now is the most important thing.
This is a chance to work through the old stuff, this is a chance for change and growth. This is where you get something good from this no matter what happens. This is a step to a shinier future.
