I know its not controlling, and I have read some of Robx input on other threads. She will explode when I tell her I am not going anywhere she will think its me being controlling. just left the house with the kids to go to G'mas for the night. She is expecting me to be out tomorrow, but when she returns I am going to tell her im not going anywhere, i belong here with my kids. If you want to go, go. I will not be hateful, angry or rude but as understanding as I can be. She has noticed me being upbeat, and has texted me and sent 2 pics and a video of them singing on the drive just in the last 20 minutes. She left wearing her rings, and she has been communicating more in the last three days than she has in the last 3 weeks. I know the reason she goes to her family, they listen to her and validate her perspective of me and our M. They will not tell her she is wrong, or making mistakes. Even her own Aunt has told me the problems at our home is her and not me. But her aunt also says you cannot fix her, the tough part is the space is needed. I will propose to her that we stay in separate rooms and we work on ourselves. will not pressure R, M or any joint counseling. What kills me the most is she says she is probably better off not in any R, or that she does not know how to be in a R or M? any thoughts?
Yes she will be angry, expect it, now that you know she will be angry, prepare for it, how do you prepare for it, realize that her getting angry is her losing control over you. Now that you know what this is about, you can relax, it is only words and she can spew forth every word in the book and when she starts saying mean & hurtful things to you, turn your back and walk away and tell her that you will no longer discuss this or anything else in the future with her until she is ready to discuss things like a mature adult, until then, the discussion is over.
As for staying in separate rooms, tell her that you will stay in the master bedroom (yes YOU not her) and she can stay in another room.
Then tell her that you will both need to pick a time to discuss this situation with your kids and let them know what's going on.
You take the lead in this process, instead of holding it back, you move with it's flow, you don't impede the process, you go with it, she wants out, she wants away from you, you give it to her along with her space which she can have but she can move out and get her "space", you will stay at home with your kids because that is where you need to be, with your kids.
