ok, I agreed to move in with my brother for a while, but an attorney friend of mine told me If I left, I would be deserting de facto with regards to my children. If this goes to the D, then I could get killed in court. The issue I have is that if I recant on the fact I agreed to give space by staying with my brother, she will look at it as controlling behavior and blow up, any thoughts?
thoughts? yeah I have a few LOL! you are afraid of "recanting" on the fact that you agreed to give space but it's ok with you that she had an affair and now wants space?!
You are allowed to change your mind, I'll say it again just in case you need things repeated several times, You are allowed to change your mind.
She changed her mind about your relationship together, am I right? First she wanted to be with you, then she had an affair and now she wants space to continue having an affair or to pursue another relationship with another man.
It would seem to me that she has changed her mind and made decisions without worrying about the impact of those decisions on you and your life.
You are allowed to change your mind.
Frame it this way:
"Wife I agree that you want space, I think it's a good idea but I've changed my mind, I'm staying in the home, I believe that if you want space, you should go find yourself another place to live and find that space that you need from me. You decided you don't want to be with me anymore, you decided to have an affair and you have decided you want space, you can have all of that, somewhere else because I'M DECIDING TO STAY HERE. You should start looking for another place and if you need help packing and moving, let me know and I'll be there to help you."
If she brings up the fact that you agreed to leave, you will just say: "I changed my mind, I'm allowed to change my mind just like you were allowed to change your mind about us and do whatever you wanted. You wanting me to leave is you trying to control me, I'm not controlling you, you can leave if you want to, I won't stand in your way but this is my home and I've decided I'm staying and I don't want to discuss this anymore."
That's how it's done.
Do you have the balls to stand up to her? It's important that you do stand up to her. In fact it's a requirement. The fact that you are afraid to do so highlights the significance of this requirement so just do it.
