Not bad, L4S. I'd give you a solid "B." Delete the "Does this mean you are done?" (PURSUING! mad ) and the breaking down in front of her (NEEDY!), and it's probably an "A." (altho you didn't tell us what the other things you said that you probably shouldn't wink ).

I'm glad you're getting legal advice. The way to play this is a VERY hard legal stand, a strong anti-affair stand, but keep an open, civil heart toward your wife. But do NOT lower your bar on the holiness that you expect in your home, which you're not, and I'm glad.

Let your atty be the hard-ass. Do NOT agree to ANYTHING on your own. "That's an interesting offer; I'll run it by my attorney and we'll get back to you" will be your standard answer from here on out.

Your wife is on what I call a "hell-bent" course. It's still a standard affair "script," but I only see this in maybe 20-25% of the cases. Hoosiermama's husband is one that I am the most familiar with, that comes to mind. These ones are very tough to DB, and you have to accelerate everything, because she's running so fast away from your marriage. It usually comes from either heavy pressure they're getting from their OP, or SEVERE unhappiness with the betrayed spouse (maybe marital history of verbal abuse, or worse). From your sitch, I'm sure it's the former, unless there's something you're not telling us. I just don't see anything in your initial post that would be a reason to be "hell-bent."

I'm sorry, I know this sucks. You've got to keep telling yourself two things:

- This is NOT about you, it is about HER;

- She is basically an ADDICT at this stage. Affairs are HIGHLY addictive, and it is driving everything she does and says. TRY (I know it's hard) not to take it all personally.

She WILL crash -- hard -- at some point, and regret all of this. It could happen next week, or it could happen two years from now. But it WILL happen, and it WON'T be pretty.

Puppy