Short version - raging alcoholic mom - for whom I never did anything right, my family put the dys in dysfunctional, three miscarriages, neuromuscular disease which I passed onto my son, controlling h for whom I, once again, never did anything well enough for. I could go on, but you get the picture.
Fast forward. By the time of the bomb, I was a shell of the girl I was at 20. I felt I wasnt good enough to clean the bottom of h's shoes.
But you know what, I am still here, still kicking and I know I am more than good enough. I know deep inside that I am a good person, that I matter in the lives of family and friends, that I try each day to live my life with honor and dignity. I am worthy. And so are you.
Listen, it is hurtful to find out that the man you thought you knew is capable of doing the things your h is doing.
Here's the thing. Your h is on a journey, too. And it is a difficult one. But it is his. And he must walk it.
That's why it's best for you to stop reacting and to start detaching. It's not easy. It takes time. But it takes work, too. Each and everyday. Little by little.
And about your son. My son was the same age when this all started. I promise you this. If you are ok, he will be, too. He needs to see you strong and in control. You are his touchstone. He is looking to you to feel secure. He certainly cant count on his father for that right now.
IB, I know how hard this is. It feels like a nightmare you arent waking up from. But, you can get through this. I promise you.
And honey, you arent broken. You just got the wind knocked out of you. We, all of us, did the best we could with the tools we had at the time. Now you know better, so you'll do better.
Listen, let your h blow in the wind right now. You look after you and your son. That is where you need to put all your energies. Trying to figure out your h right now is like nailing jello to a tree. Aint gonna happen.
