What, to let it go and be done with it. I certainly don't mind telling her that. It would be better than living on this roller coaster. I know that I will go back down again with depression but I can only go up from there. I have been so up and down these last three weeks that I am going nuts myself. Maybe that is why I spend 14 hours a day on this site. Just looking for a answer to a problem that may not be solvable. I just can't talk to my friends. I would look so foolish. I have not even told them that she got married. They would just say screw get a new girl. Well, it isn't that simple. Or maybe it is. I really don't know.
It's the damsel in distress that's pulling you back in but she's got to clean this mess up all by herself. You can't help with it or if she ever does come back, she'll never respect you properly. I posted some notes over on Mystik's thread from Alanon meetings that I used to attend back when I was in the middle of the mess with my H. It really helped me. Go over and read it but comment here so we don't mix up sitchs.
Thanks guys, I really have resolved not to be the rescuer any more. I will not send her any money, I will not do anything for her anymore. I bought her clothes last week. I know what to do I just need constant reenforcement. I leave her alone, I work on my life(school), if she comes back to me that we get her help. That is what I think that I am suppose to do. I did mention that she has no job and never really has. She was a school teacher but quit 2 months after we got married. She has something bad on her record (Probably pill use) and can't find a teaching job. Her mother said they were cutting her off. They will still probably buy her medication but they are not giving her anything anymore. They supported her her whole life. Reading in this she sounds so bad. She was a nice girl whom I enjoyed talking to and being around. She rarely drinks. I really liked her. She felt like a part of me and I know you shouldn't feel that way about someone. I never told her that but she has told me that-my happiness was hers, when I was sad so was she. codependancy. I think that she got married in an effort to rid me of her life. She felt that she would keep on depending on me for her happiness unless she could get me out. Well, she is still thinking about me I think. It was a mistake. I don't know if this is the reason or I am just trying to justify bad behavior. They she really is a mooche that care very little about anyone but herself. I just have a hard time with that. He mom thinks though.
If she makes a serious step towards you, I say you should re-consider. She is a human being after all. She may be starting to realize the error of her ways and have no where else to turn.
Remember, being hard on people is not always the best solution. Sometimes people get worse because we are too hard on them.
It may be your turn to nurture and support her, if you want to. you can also direct her in the correct direction if you are not ready to involve yourself.
if you want to help her at all, you should - but respect her marriage.
I am in a way. I will not call her. I don't respect the marriage. I will not sleep with her again while she is married or kiss or have any contact sexual if that is what you mean. This I am doing for me. I will take her back and nurture her if she comes back that is what she wants-she is like a little girl that never grew up but heck, I don't know what she is going to do. Once again, I am kind in limbo waiting for her. I will still do my work that I need to do. I am pretty sure she doesn't know. She said the other day she knows her place is with me. Well, she is not here still. I just hope I can make it up. My teachers think I am going through a divorce but it is just like it, almost like a death. It hurts just as badly as a death. Except in death you can believe they are in a better place, in divorce you want them to be with you so it might just be harder to accept. I don't know crazy thoughts by me.
Well, it is saturday night. She said she would try to be here by this weekend because she wanted it back. Well, she has no way of getting here unless she calls me to come get her in Dallas. It looks like she lied to me again. Maybe she is confused. I don't know. I am sick of feeling sick at my stomach.
Well, it is Saturday night, my ex is not here like she said. She said she wanted to be back by this weekend. That I was were she was supppose to be. She did not call fri or today. I broke down and texted her awhile ago and asked her if she changed her mind. I have gotten no response so far. I just dont understand. she was asking to come back early this week, i guess om changed her mind or something.
Nope, the thing is over. Her boyfriend called and she lied about everything she has been saying to me. screw her. I am done. I will still stay on the site to get comfort but I will not talk about dbing or getting that ass back. I am done. I have set her free.
