Mystik, many of us understand exactly how it feels...exactly. I have been the crumpled mess on the floor praying my kids don't hear me crying so desperately with a gaping hole in my heart. I know what it feels like to just get through the day and pray somehow to make it through the night. I was scaring my kids and my mom and sister who meant well but just kept telling me to pull myself together. The thing was I didn't know how. I did know that I needed to do it. You can't stay stuck in the misery forever.
That's why I shared some concrete ideas with you. Those things helped me little by little, step by step. Getting involved at church, kids activities, classes of any kind, etc. I'm sure that the others can help add to the list.
Because my H had a drinking issue, I went to every Alanon meeting I could find. For 6 months, I went almost every day, sometimes more than once a day. That really helped me. Even if that's not an issue for your M, the program they use might help. Here are some of my old notes:
• Situation not unique. I am not alone. • One day at a time- stay in the here and now, don't fantasize about the past or future • Easy does it- a problem looming today may not be a problem tomorrow • Gratitude- look for the positive in the new situation • Live and let live- allowing and encouraging yourself to be the best you can be and allow and encourage others to be the best they can be • This too shall pass- enjoy the fun. learn something new every day. if it's a hard day or an easy day, remember this too shall pass • Uncovering flaws- what do I need, what's your will for me, learn myself better • Turning it over and trusting- the more I turn to God; the more I trust • Prayer- gives hope, helps me quit obsessing by keeping my mind focused • Progress not perfection- I don’t have to be perfect, rely on God, give yourself a break • Willingness- pray to be willing, don’t know what will come, leaving room for God to work in my life, freeing to know God’s in control-not me • Let go and Let God- I can’t. God can. I think I’ll let him. God will take care of me where ever I am. Life happens. I have to accept what happens. • Just for Today- don’t have to worry about tomorrow or yesterday, live it to the fullest each day not just walking blindly or begrudgingly
I used those thoughts to help stop negative thoughts. I wrote them on 3x5 index cards and carried them in my purse. Any time things felt overwhelming, I'd get to some place as private as I could, even if it was the bathroom, and read them. Gradually, it did help replace my negative thought process.
You can move forward. It just takes a decision and a plan. Make the decision. We'll help with the plan. Day by day. Step by step. You will get through this. I know that because I did it and you will too.
