Still trying to find my way

[Mystik]

Had the exchange tonight, my sister went with me. H asked if I had a chance to read the e-mail and I told him yes. I then asked him a question about switching nights next week and he said he would have to figure it out when it got closer, he didn't know what was going on next week yet. Then he was trying to be all friendly and chatty, going on about how you can get cell phones now with the same features as his Droid cell phone. I listened and told him that I just got this phone in December, when I wanted to scream at him that we could never be friends, it's too painful. And I cried the drive home.

Showed my sister his e-mail, she said she agrees with everything he says. That I need to let go and move on. No one understands how hard this is for me. I eat, sleep, breathe H. There is a huge gaping hole in my life without him. I have finally gotten adapted to the constant ache in my chest. It's funny how I can feel so hollow and empty but ache so deeply.