What if....you talk to your L about filing with some caveats. He gets what he wants but he has to make some concessions to you. First of all, no more whore at exchanges. It's too much for you and your S right now. Also, no more S at any dr appt. Inappropriate. No more badgering you with emails and texts. If he has something to say, one email. You get one day to read and reply.
What else would help you get some power back? You've been letting him call all the shots. Time to call some of your own. I'm sure that some of the others can help make a list to take to your L.
Yes, I should leave. I should just walk away. I am trying to. I am not contacting her. Her mother told me that her daughter was to crazy to have a relationship with and that if I was one of her sons she would tell me to run. I am trying to walk away. I am just not running like I should. I am starting to see more and more of the light but it sends me into a deeper depression level than I was. Sometimes no news is good news. The more I find out the more I feel resentment and used. The dumber I feel. The weaker I feel. The exact opposite of what I should be feeling. I don't feel stronger knowing that I should leave. Why, why is that? Knowing that she is useless and worthless person. Why do I not go seek love elsewhere instead of just wallowing in the pain. The last 4 nights I have slept at my computer reading these posts. Just do it tell I fall asleep because they give me some sort of comfort. I don't feel like a man anymore.
Bluestar ~ I only have the strength that God gives me. Without Him holding me up I'd be an even worse crumpled up mess on the floor than I am now. I've been told that I'm strong but I really don't see it.
P4M ~ I often find myself reading posts on here for comfort, too. It helps knowing that I'm not alone in feeling this way.
Last edited by Mystik; 07/17/1002:25 AM.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
Had the exchange tonight, my sister went with me. H asked if I had a chance to read the e-mail and I told him yes. I then asked him a question about switching nights next week and he said he would have to figure it out when it got closer, he didn't know what was going on next week yet. Then he was trying to be all friendly and chatty, going on about how you can get cell phones now with the same features as his Droid cell phone. I listened and told him that I just got this phone in December, when I wanted to scream at him that we could never be friends, it's too painful. And I cried the drive home.
Showed my sister his e-mail, she said she agrees with everything he says. That I need to let go and move on. No one understands how hard this is for me. I eat, sleep, breathe H. There is a huge gaping hole in my life without him. I have finally gotten adapted to the constant ache in my chest. It's funny how I can feel so hollow and empty but ache so deeply.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
Mystik, many of us understand exactly how it feels...exactly. I have been the crumpled mess on the floor praying my kids don't hear me crying so desperately with a gaping hole in my heart. I know what it feels like to just get through the day and pray somehow to make it through the night. I was scaring my kids and my mom and sister who meant well but just kept telling me to pull myself together. The thing was I didn't know how. I did know that I needed to do it. You can't stay stuck in the misery forever.
That's why I shared some concrete ideas with you. Those things helped me little by little, step by step. Getting involved at church, kids activities, classes of any kind, etc. I'm sure that the others can help add to the list.
Because my H had a drinking issue, I went to every Alanon meeting I could find. For 6 months, I went almost every day, sometimes more than once a day. That really helped me. Even if that's not an issue for your M, the program they use might help. Here are some of my old notes:
• Situation not unique. I am not alone. • One day at a time- stay in the here and now, don't fantasize about the past or future • Easy does it- a problem looming today may not be a problem tomorrow • Gratitude- look for the positive in the new situation • Live and let live- allowing and encouraging yourself to be the best you can be and allow and encourage others to be the best they can be • This too shall pass- enjoy the fun. learn something new every day. if it's a hard day or an easy day, remember this too shall pass • Uncovering flaws- what do I need, what's your will for me, learn myself better • Turning it over and trusting- the more I turn to God; the more I trust • Prayer- gives hope, helps me quit obsessing by keeping my mind focused • Progress not perfection- I don’t have to be perfect, rely on God, give yourself a break • Willingness- pray to be willing, don’t know what will come, leaving room for God to work in my life, freeing to know God’s in control-not me • Let go and Let God- I can’t. God can. I think I’ll let him. God will take care of me where ever I am. Life happens. I have to accept what happens. • Just for Today- don’t have to worry about tomorrow or yesterday, live it to the fullest each day not just walking blindly or begrudgingly
I used those thoughts to help stop negative thoughts. I wrote them on 3x5 index cards and carried them in my purse. Any time things felt overwhelming, I'd get to some place as private as I could, even if it was the bathroom, and read them. Gradually, it did help replace my negative thought process.
You can move forward. It just takes a decision and a plan. Make the decision. We'll help with the plan. Day by day. Step by step. You will get through this. I know that because I did it and you will too.
