As for update: Unless H decides he wants to go to FT, I am going to go only once a month now as I feel the once a week isn't necessary for me, personally.
The last advice given by FT was to just keep doing what I'm doing: be the responsible adult in the home; don't try to hold H's feet to the fire, but don't be afraid to keep him responsible when it concerns family stuff; keeping GAL and doing things for me. I agree with all those - and the biggest - to have patience! That's hard. I figure I'm doing all this changing and improving myself and I can't understand why H isn't falling in line! I guess it is progress that he stopped talking about leaving and is being a part of the family, even if somewhat detached. However, I am looking for a full partner again!
The one thing I disagree on with FT, somewhat, is the issue of OW and whether or not there is one, and bringing that to light. She seems to think that it does me no good to try to figure that out, that it will be revealed in time if need be. I feel the need to be more proactive. BUT...even so, I have had no luck. The only possibility would be an EA and not PA really - unless they are getting together during working hours. He doesn't even have a car at work: takes the bus into the city. I (or D) drives him to/from the bus stop. He comes home when he's supposed to and rarely does anything now without me or the kids. Yes, he could still be using computer/phone. I've had no luck getting into either of those. He doesn't use either while he's at home, for the most part, so if there is an EA, it is also limited to work hours. I never see him texting and he doesn't even bother bringing his laptop home half the time. Even if there is something on laptop or cell, I believe he would be smart enough to delete it.
Right now things are pleasant with us: not close, but pleasant. There's nothing I feel I can do to reconnect if he does not want to seek help. I'm discouraged that I don't have what I want in a spouse right now, but feel helpless to make it so. He has to be willing to participate fully!
