ok, sorry, I forget you were up there in Canada, but still . . .
You just need to RELAX before you ACT. If you're just venting this stuff, then fine, but when you close the vent with things like " . . . and prepare to file," it tells me that you're letting your emotions drive your DECISION-MAKING, and I'm going to call you out on that every time you do it.
I posted this to someone over on the MLC forum this morning, but it's great reading for ALL of us. I liked it so much the day he posted it to someone, I copied and pasted it into my own personal archives: (the Title of it is mine, not his)
Coach’s “Go by your Values and Beliefs, not Your Feelings” philosophy:
Respond in a way that reflects your values and beliefs not your feelings. As a Coach and a former military officer I know lots of ways to change how you are feeling. Feelings are fleeting, can be manipulated, can be dysfunctional, situational and are a poor compass.
Prisons are full of people who went with their feelings. To be a great DBer you need to be able to think. Detach and look at the situation in 360 degrees. State your goals (which are consistent with your beliefs) and come up with a plan of action. If your actions work keep doing it, if not try something new. Open your mind and don't let fear hold you back from acting.
If you love your spouse and let them go. It's not lying to do that, even though you don't feel that is the best thing to do. Understand your feelings, know why you feel the way you do and take healthy productive action based on your goals.
You have a choice in how you handle things. You can choose the path of love, self-respect, healthy communication, forgiveness and responsibility for your self. Or you can choose to be a victim, make others responsible for your feelings and let things happen to you. "Love your neighbor as yourself."
Don't let your feelings define you. Let your actions which is a sign of your character. Handle it.
Canada does indeed have a Privacy Act. I don't know the full details of it but my friend could lose his job if they can prove HE gave me the info on customers or staff.
OK, help me out here. Your wife and OM (as well as this friend who helped you) all work for the same outfit, at the Canadian federal government??
Nope. It's everywhere in Canada. You cannot divulge personal information from non-public sources. he pulled the dad's address from the company customer database.
Though it's also on White Pages.
My mistake is I wrote it on his business card and failed to destroy it/hide it better.
Nope. It's everywhere in Canada. You cannot divulge personal information from non-public sources. he pulled the dad's address from the company customer database.
Though it's also on White Pages.
My mistake is I wrote it on his business card and failed to destroy it/hide it better.
Gotcha. Probably more PIPEDA than Privacy Act, but yeah, could be prosecutable, if they wanna get nasty. Might be tough to prove that he GOT it from the company database, though, as -- as you say -- it's also in the White Pages.
Probably as good a time as any to address this topic, CD, and that is reverse-intel:
What are you doing to protect YOURSELF?
- do you routinely lock down your computer? Changed your Windows password? Swept it for keylogger?
- do you routinely sweep your car for a voice-activated voice recorder or GPS tracker?
- do you use false names, and change enough pertinent, indentifiable information in your public postings (like here) in order to protect yourself?? (something I've always wanted to warn you about, are you using your DAUGHTER'S REAL NAME as part of your USERNAME???)
- have you changed all of your online passwords recently, and continue to do so weekly? FB, AOL or other web-based email, banking, work e-mail, Windows login, etc.??
- do you routinely lock down your cellphone?
- have you "cheatingspouseproofed" your home and car, the way you would "childproof" it, looking thru EVERYTHING slowly and carefully as if you were looking at it with your cheating wife's eyes, wanting to gather intel on you?
- are you keeping a daily journal of everything that's going on (dates, spending, parenting activity, etc., etc.) -- GOOD IDEA -- but not locking it down (BAD IDEA)?? Do you have a backup copy of it in a safe place?
- if you purchased anything to use in a potentially illegal activity (example: voice recorder if yours is a "two-party" permission state or jurisdiction), and done so with a credit card?? PAY CASH!
- etc.; you get the drift.
You're probably fine so far, but if your wife were to try to employ reverse-intel on you, chances are about 75-90% that this next week (the week following exposure) would be the week she would do so.
Please be careful.
Puppy
Last edited by Puppy Dog Tails; 07/16/1008:09 PM. Reason: changed "spyware" to "keylogger"
There is no sense being able to consider the last option if you haven't done the work.
I wasn't threatening to stuff it into her face when she returned.
But given that this could still go either way, I still need my butt covered and know the limits of what I can do regarding the house; locks; finances. I'm running on three phone consults right now.
Sound L advice and a plan gives me confidence in my position.
But I would prefer the calm discussion like I had with her BF.
Unfortunately, still in the affair (though she sounds a little "shaky" according to BF and at least admitted it to her), her rational capabilities to "hear" what I'm saying is very low. I may need a softer if she comes home soft.
If the call was a ruse to soften me or gain upper hand, I'll need a quick change in tactics. On the fly.
I'm I reading my sitch correctly?
PS Pretty sure their weekend was ruined. Seems BF has talked to W at least twice for quite a while to get as much background as she did. And the original intent was to veil a threat about Privacy to get me to back down/run scared. The end of the convo, by putting it in context of BF's sitch, softened her view quite a bit.
Who knows what's up. But I was honest and calm through the entire thing.
I changed Yahoo and laptop passwords at least two months ago.
Most others are also changed.
Company cell phone is always on me. But I will PWord it. Since she went through my pants for the card....
I'll clean out the company truck.
My car is clean.
She couldn't get onto my laptop and I run spyware. House PC I never use.
May change all the Pwords again to be sure.
DB is NOT in the house. At office.
GPS was cash
I have some note pads at my office with my notes but most of my "activity log" is this thread. it's all dated.
I do worry my nerves about the whole situation make ME somehow sloppy.
What can I do about username at this point?
OK, very good. Do those remaining things.
Not trying to be a drama queen here, or overly alarm you, CD, but I just Googled JUST your daughter's first name, the other female first name you let slip above, and added the words "marriage" and "divorce" to the string, and -- voila! -- your thread that we're typing on right now shows up on PAGE ONE of the search result.
You may want to click "Notify," and ask the mods to take it down ASAP, as you are "concerned that I inadvertently put personal information in there that could jeopardize my daughter and our privacy."
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