I think exposure backfired?

[AntoniaB]

This gets me to thinking, in the same way that the above is a test, so is the whole waiting to see if you crack under the pressure a test. Back on the 4th or 5th day after my H left, I called him in a total panic and asked him if he'd made a decision yet. Then I said I was "out of people to come sit with me" till my anxiety subsided (which was going to happen once I got some sleep finally) and I asked him to come, saying he owed at least this much to me, to make sure I was well until someone else could take care of me. He said he would, but also suggested that I ask a family member to come get me. So then I said again did you make your decision yet, and he said well I was leaning towards something, but NOW THAT YOU'VE CALLED ME ALL PANICKY, YOU'VE CONFIRMED MY SUSPICIONS ABOUT YOU, AND I SEE THAT YOU'RE STILL NEEDY AND WEAK, AND I AM NOW DECIDING TO DIVORCE YOU BECAUSE OF THAT." So he was "confused" and "undecided" til I was the kicking screaming needy child, which is a natural reaction to being left in this way, and I think that he got a "resolve" to state the decision when I "failed his test."

It was a way for him to justify why he was leaving to himself or perhaps to others.

The beauty in a way of cutting off the WAS is that it is bound to remove his/her justification for leaving, if that justification was centered on the LBS as being needy or pressuring or clingy and begging. If we're not that way, then what is "wrong" with us? Nothing (not that there ever was anything wrong with us in the first place). I mean how much can the WAS tell himself that he made the right decision to leave if everyone else is seeing that we are MAKING IT and we are handling our lives and even improving them? If anything it might feed into others saying "jeez, it's GOOD you left him or her, look how great he/she is doing. You are an idiot for leaving such a stable and attractive person." I would think that would also feed the feeling of attachment that they've buried. I mean we can only hope, but I guess if it doesn't work at least we're putting our lives back together while they are floundering in Lala land.