OK. We have a problem. A BIG ONE!!

I just got off the phone with her friend Candace. By the end of the hour, I felt pretty godd. But the opening was scary.

(Candace is 4 months further in the process of D than I. She still respects me and after talking to W, thought she should call to "teach me" what she knows)

Yes, W knows who I exposed to.
His parents "felt" scared and "worried for W".
W actually (and this is scary) has pictures of the business card of my friend at the dealership with OM's address written on it.
(My friend may be in trouble. And 'we" violated the privacy act)
Candace told me:
-you'll look back and say "That was crazy", Why did I do that, etc
-She felt I was losing my grip and doing this out of anger, revenge, etc
-She told me a lot.
-By the time we were done, I think she was REALLY on my side. She said she was scared for me because she was in the same position but she understands and is glad I'm not "insane"
-Kristin just told HER what was going on.
-I asked Candace how she felt about being lied to by W
-my W is starting to REALLY feel guilty.


However, I put it into perspective for her. My motivation was to shine the light on the inappropraite behaviour so that maybe the two of them would see the damage they are doing.

I am doing this out of love. Though I really don't like W right now, she is not in control of herself. I am trying to protect her and our family.

The window of opportunity to even ATTEMPT repair is closing because the longer the A goes, the firther away I go.

I can't control her. But I can control me. And if I let the lies and A stay hidden, I was enabling the A and actually hurting my W. And I couldn"t do that.

I refused to accept that on my deathbed I would have to admit I didn't do EVERYTHING to save my family.

I told her that W and I need to have this discussion you and I are having but we cannot discuss the marriage in any form for either dissoloution or rebilding until it's only the two of us in the marriage. No interlopers.

She was surprisingly open about her concern over W. She has her own stbxh to cpmpare to.

All in all a good chat. It should demilitarize the confrontation Sunday.

I think I'll say the exact same things to my W.

And prepare to file.

Geez,what a day.