That is correct. I really did think about killing myself. The gun that I bought is setting right here beside me. I didn't buy any bullets. I don't understand the codependancy attraction. I try to convince myself that you guys really don't know the whole story but you do. I didn't lie. I didn't leave anything out. We had good memories before. She is married. I told her the other day that I do not talk to or mess with married women. It is crazy that I feel this way what is stupider is my post that you probably didn't read. I thought she was coming back because she missed me and was in love with me, nope, her mother told me that the apartment complex told her she had to leave because she was knocking on doors asking people for pain meds. God, I am dumb. I am 41 for your info with a high IQ, a golf pro, lots of friends, just a low low self esteem right now. And I am just not thinking clearly. I really want her to come back. Why? I can't answer that myself. You think that calling me stupid and a fool bothers me, hell no, I know that I am. There is no logical reason for me or anyone to say that I should be with her. Her parents want me to be but they are shocked that I am still willing. My parents can't believe that I would take her back but will support any decision I make. I don't know if it is some kind of competition to me or why I feel the sense of loss that I do. It hurts. She is sorry as they come. It is plain stupid. I know it.
I didn't call you a fool to "bother you" - I am pointing out what I see from here. A 41 yr old man with high iq and a fine profession is a fool to tangle his life with a married pill popping XW. You yourself write there is no logic to what you want and that her own parents are "shocked" you would hang so long. It sounds to me like there is a chorus of people who CARE telling you to cut your losses and let her go.
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Yes, there is. She will not show up this weekend so I will not have more promises out. The one out is that I would take her back if she wants to come home. She said this weekend. I know that it will not happen. After that, I can just go on and detach myself completely from her life. I not only will not take her clls but now I will not respond to her texts. She is just trying to use me as a safty net if all else fails.
Then she goes to counselling, rehab what have you. Plus she should do things to take care of herself. If she comes back home, she falls into wife role and you forgive her, love her the best you can.
You may as well tell her, that she may as well do all the crap in the world she wants to do before you take her back, because your not going to be with a wife whose going to cheat on you.
I taked to her mother this morning she said that she had talked to ex yesterday. Ex is not allowed to live in her house, dad's house or brother's houses anymore because of drugs. She told me the thing she would tell me if i was her son is to run as far as you can. She is keeping my step daughter and said I can see her and talk to her anytime. She said that ex didn't say anything about coming back to me this weekend. She said she bolts in every relationship every time she gets in trouble but her mom was unaware of any trouble between new husband and her daughter. They did get kicked out of apartment because my ex was asking all the other tenants for drugs. But mom said they move to new apartment. Ex has been calling crying every day telling me how much she misses me. Mother said that she loves who ever can do what she wants for her at the time. He mother said that she is a master manipulator and that she was probably using in my. She told me not to send her any more money which i wasn't. I am still in shock. This girl is mentally ill. She was telling my yesterday how she was coming but she has no way. Her mother said that she does tells everyone what she thinks they want to hear. I feel so used. I am not going to call her or ask her about this. I don't know what to think. I was fooled all these years. Her mother said that she has always dated when we broke up. Wendy says that she never did. That I was the only one she could ever love. I just am in shock that she is this crazy. yesterday she was saying she was sorry for hurting me.
You guys would not believe the shock i am in. I thought so differently about this women. i thought she was a good person. it is so hard to believe that she is a liar and just using me. For what? why did she call 5 times wednesday saying that she wanted to come back and make it work and then not plan on coming? I want to ask her but i am not going to call her. It would no good. i would just get upset more than i already am. i just cant believe that she is no good. A mentally ill person. Not mean-she is sick. She is bipolar. why am i letting it bother me so badly?
If she is lieing to me and manipulating me for money and useing me simple for the purpose of her own benefit. If she is telling me she wants to come back and be a family and that she loves and she really doesn't plan on it and has no feelings for me. If she says that she has been saving herself and could never dream of being with anyone else. That we should have never got divorced and alll she has been doing is making mistakes.And she says all this stuff all the time and means none of it then she is not a good person. I can be in love with a person that is no good. I am just shocked that she is not a good person. i thought alot of her. i thought she was innocent and pure. I really did. i was sure she slept with her husband but no one else. Her mom was inpling that she has had lots of boyfriends and that she only cared about me or acted like it when i was around.
I have hurt people before but not on purpose. i wouldn't continue it on for years letting them think that everything was good and i valued them and the relationship if i did not. i would have let them go. i just wouldn't do it.
So some of her transgressions against you where to cause pain in you?
In my sitch, wife has done 1000's of situations, designed to either get a rise out of me, or to cause me pain or bring me down on purpose.
Also I'm out of the vagina. I'm now of the firm believe, while its not your "right" to be in the vagina, you SHOULD be in there if that is your wife, or long term gf.
If you where in there and now your not, its likely someone else is.
Perhaps without her drama and those pain killers she may be a different person. It could be a couple of friends who enable her to be this way, perhaps a gossiper a $hit starter, and people who entertain themself with her life.
If she comes how she has to stop playing, so she may as well do all of it she wants to now.
I also see how you can't feel good knowing that she was playing the other husband like this. Its like her character has decayed from when she was with you.
She can pull out of it, she's a human being and if she has love for you and will take you seriously, and leave the drama and crap behind her... Over time she can be a good wife.
Whether you want to take the risk is up to you. I guess you have nothing to lose if you don't marry her and let her transform into that good wife you know she can be while your not married. And then, it may not be worth it to marry her again if she ends up acting right.
