How to explain to Spouse....

[Coach]

If you had a student who has ADD, would you change how you teach them or expect them to struggle while you keep doing things the same way over and over?

Go back and read how many times you use the words always, nothing, anything. (google Martin Seligman and Learned Optimism).

It sounds like one of your LLs is WOA and H isn't doing it.

This one gets me the most. I am a teacher, have been since college (High school acually, but that's another story). H is just getting started and is a sub. He has had year long sub jobs for the past 3 years. When talking to people he raves about teaching and in his words "this is the easist job". Seriously? I've been teaching more than 1/2 my life, and it's far from easy. But he keeps at it. No matter how many times I say, no it's not easy it's the hardest job there is.

Why can't he think that? To him it is 'easy.'

You call him controlling but you push books, IC, meds, why he's wrong, mindread and have to be right. I understand your frustration and think he has his work to do but he isn't posting to us.

Use your teaching skills to think thru this. I like the idea of putting things in writing for him that makes sense. Try agreeing with him.

I redid the patio and got a deck box for the cushions. H's response wasn't it looks nice, or that really cleans up the patio and makes more room in the garage, or even nice job.... nope. It was "so you were able to put it together?" It's like I'm not supposed to be able to do anything.

"Of course I put it together and it looks fantastic!" Teach him how to compliment you. Don't assume he thought - It's like I'm not supposed to be able to do anything That's mindreading and not fair to him.


He doesn't sound aware of how he seems to you, you don't seem aware of what it might look like to him. Become aware of when it starts to drain you and try something different.


"You must be the change you wish to see in this world." - Ghandi