You're not alone CTH. Lots of guys tend to pick up and leave when they've been hurt. It's hard to stay when your guts are spilling all over the floor! You'll do fine
I don't think leaving the family house matters much, not in CA anyway. STBXW left and I stayed but the Ls don't think that means anything...of course, the laws are different in different states- isn't that comforting from the fairness perspective?
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Yesterday I went to see my former therapist, I've known her for over twenty years and check in with her once in a while to see if my cheese is still on my cracker I wanted to get some direction as to how to get a handle on the emotional stuff I'm going through. She said that my psyche is doing what it's supposed to right now because I feel weak physically and my psyche is telling me to be careful of things that could be dangerous emotionally. We talked about my anxieties and although I don't give in to them I get damn tired of having to push them aside. She mentioned she knows a therapist who is quite dedicated to CBT and she could set me up with him for six or eight sessions. I tried a bit of CBT last year with a Christian therapist but I don't think we ever got to the CBT part, she was busy looking at my traumatic childhood and after 8 sessions we never got to where I wanted to go. I really think that my mind has got to be re-wired somehow because the fatigue I've been battling has me thinking in some knee jerk negative ways...or to put it correctly I have been thinking in some knee jerk negative ways! It's like driving over the same ground endlessly and the rut in the road just gets deeper. Anyway, I'm seeing her again in a couple of weeks and we'll talk more. I also had a nice surprise yesterday, when I was talking to my old therapist I'd asked her if she was still in contact with the therapist who had initially referred me to her many years ago. She said she hadn't heard from her in years. So, last night when I was FB'ing (Yes romeo, I'm on the alt) on a whim I searched out her name and she popped right up. I emailed her and she emailed me back today. She was one of the first people to help me when I was battling alcohol addiction and I owe her a lot. It was great to be able to connect just to say hi. I haven't seen or spoken to her in over 17 years, she used to work around the corner from where I worked and I'd drop in the odd time to say hi. So, it was nice to be able to say hi again.
I started reading The Sedona Method (I usually have a few books going at the same time). Anybody ever read it or tried it out? I feel a release coming on!
Honestly, lately I haven't been keeping up with FB at all...I log into my account to check on a couple of friends from here that's about it.
Good you got reconnected with your old therapist. I found one of my ex gfs that I still think about sometimes...of course her last name's different now and it took me almost three days of obsessive searching but I found her. But I can't and won't contact her- she's married, has a family and I respect that...FB can be a dangerous place in that regard.
Last edited by StupidRomeo; 07/17/1005:00 AM.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Romeo, CBT is Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, it helps you to change your thoughts and therefore your actions. For example, when you think you will never find another R a CBT approach would be to ask you to look at the evidence of such a thought, is there anything that would prove that thought is factual. It helps you to put aside all or nothing thinking, catastrophizing and many other wonderful habitual thought processes that people get themselves into. The belief is that what you think dictates what you feel. CBT would consider depression to be the result of continual negative thought processes which in turn change the chemistry in your brain not the popular medical version which says your brain chemistry is off therefore you are depressed and therefore thinking negatively. CBT is also supposed to be very good for anxiety based issues. It usually lasts six to twenty sessions and isn't meant to be a life long therapy addiction. I'm actually taking a correspondence course in a version of CBT called Rational Living Therapy which also adds hypnotherapy to the arsenal.
I don't know why I did it! Now I've got relatives I haven't seen in thirty years wanting to be my "friend"...what the hell for? And apparently anybody you've ever sent an email to becomes a suggested friend. A few years ago I sent a Pastor (who has since moved out west) an email telling him how much my daughter enjoyed his sermon and now the FB Gods have suggested I make him a "friend", again what the hell for? Besides, I'm a guy and we don't have friends...we have cars and Sports bars.
Hey wii, careful on FB...people in my FOO are getting disowned by who their friends are! (Like I care)
Glad you got in touch with counselor and former counselor...I have looked into CBT as well as brief, solution-focused therapy. That is the type I was looking at for exH and I. No need to spend 6 months of counseling reviewing the backstory. Look at what worked, why it worked, and how to do more of what works and less of what doesn't. At least that is the 'in a nutshell' version.
Oh, and don't try that Bejeweled Blitz game on FB. I started it and am sadly hooked... I play it more than I actually network with people.
BBJ, I've taken SF courses and use it in my work. I find it an effective tool in dealing with my caseload. DBing is basically SF except Michelle is a Solution Oriented therapist, like Bill O'Hanlon, which is slightly different but it's mostly the same stuff.
I wanted to get some direction as to how to get a handle on the emotional stuff I'm going through. She said that my psyche is doing what it's supposed to right now because I feel weak physically and my psyche is telling me to be careful of things that could be dangerous emotionally. We talked about my anxieties and although I don't give in to them I get damn tired of having to push them aside. She mentioned she knows a therapist who is quite dedicated to CBT and she could set me up with him for six or eight sessions. I tried a bit of CBT last year with a Christian therapist but I don't think we ever got to the CBT part, she was busy looking at my traumatic childhood and after 8 sessions we never got to where I wanted to go. I really think that my mind has got to be re-wired somehow because the fatigue I've been battling has me thinking in some knee jerk negative ways...or to put it correctly I have been thinking in some knee jerk negative ways! It's like driving over the same ground endlessly and the rut in the road just gets deeper. Anyway, I'm seeing her again in a couple of weeks and we'll talk more.