I have been on the boards intermittently lately, post over in Hopefulness. I've followed your sitch and love your attitude.
I'm happy that your H is home and working on things with you. I really relate, though, to your trepidation.
I had to write and thank U for the new term PIS. I now have a name for my condition!
My guy's A is over and he's making murmurs about us getting back together. But I'm just not responding. And I know why -- I don't trust him, I'm still hurt, and the more I find out about what he's been doing with his life in the 2.5 years he's been away, the more despairing (also angry) I get.
I don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe initiate D myself. Or -- we could do what it takes (Time & Patience grrrlll -- read your own tatoo hee hee) to build trust again.
It's just that I've done so much work already I feel it's his turn -- and that attitude is counter-productive.
Sigh.
Now a tidbit of an idea comes to mind. I have found it helpful, when feeling loss and grief, to do a version of the "thought-stopping" technique.
If it's FEAR I'm feeling, I HARD FAST NOW look around my life and touch/hug/hold the things that make me SAFE and COMFORTABLE. Like my dogs, my favorite old chair, my library. Evoking nature, history, learning.
Whatever's upsetting, find its OPPOSITE and make that REAL for you right now.
Feeling loss? Look in the mirror at your lovely eyes. Know you have your soul.
Feeling sad? Lonely? Jealous? Touch something handmade, stop by a nursing home, toss your hair free in the wind and smile someone.
Actions get my mind off troubles.
(Anger seems to be the hardest. Feeling angry? What can I touch that says PEACE OF MIND/FORGIVENESS?)
Gotta practice something like this right now cuz I'm frustrated and nothing is moving as fast as I'd like.
Let's see, what can I do for quick results? Hmmm... rearrange the CDs in my carousel and DANCE TO REGGAE?
Throw myself out the door to the local flea market and DANCE TO REGGAE?
Looks like REGGAE is a universal cure!
Love to you, and congratulations on your BIG SUCCESS. It's awe-inspiring. You're getting the pony we all hope for!
