Don't blame me for exposure. YOU had the A And the letting go/your decision/etc
No, you need ONE script, and before you can script it, you need to decide on ONE approach.
I know what someone else said above about "Dobson's approach is not all that different from so-and-so's," etc., but this really is two very distinct (with SOME overlap, yes) different strategies. Just spend some time reading Robx's and Gucci's posts, and then read Allen A's -- these are the two most accurate proponents of the two schools.
One is "I don't want a divorce, I love you but I won't tolerate this disrespect" and hard-core affair-busting. The other is laissez-faire (but with a PURPOSE -- it's not Bo-Peep) ... at its very core it's "I agree, we should probably divorce, this isn't working out for me either."
You need to decide which fork in the road you're going to take, and then script THAT.
And WHEN to take that fork.. you can take both forks at different times...
Yep.
You can always do Gucci/Robx ("letting go") after you've done Allen A (bust-the-affair). You lose credibility when you try it the other way around (think about it.. "Why are you busting my balls about my affair, I thought you were 'done'???")
Yes, expose to her aunt. I'd like to expose to her mom, too. But in person.
However, it would hurt them both. And mom likely hasn't the hand to influence anything. All it would do is inform them WHY our marriage failed- the A. And to prepare them for the lies and "if you ever meet OM, this is the history"
Exposed to: Their boss- Pro-family guy. Thanked me for the courtesy call. Not sure what if anything he'll do but probably will inform the Service Manager. We spoke for about 7 minutes. All he knew was he recently heard we had split.
AN ex-co-worker- He was gold and supected. He said a you could see "something" was going on just in their behavior/look but no real proof. He said if I need any other info, let him know. He confirmed the STBXW existed. Up til then I had rumor.
OM's dad- since he squealed and believed his son's story, he's either useless or needs a stronger exposure. Perhaps a pic? Show son is lying. And perhaps a warning "My W is 29 and is simply toying with him. He'll be crushed AND he'll have divorced STBXW for nothing. He'll be in your basement a LONG time."
STBXW- GREAT intel from her but only verbal. No hard anything. Young and still angry. However, over last nights chats, when I told her Coach/Sandi's importanace of respect to a womans feelings, she said she could feel the feelings draining quite quickly. But an ally? Not strong emough. I left her with "Simply deny you know me at all. It'll keep you safe."
Yes, expose to her aunt. I'd like to expose to her mom, too. But in person.
However, it would hurt them both. And mom likely hasn't the hand to influence anything. All it would do is inform them WHY our marriage failed- the A. And to prepare them for the lies and "if you ever meet OM, this is the history"
Exposed to: Their boss- Pro-family guy. Thanked me for the courtesy call. Not sure what if anything he'll do but probably will inform the Service Manager. We spoke for about 7 minutes. All he knew was he recently heard we had split.
AN ex-co-worker- He was gold and supected. He said a you could see "something" was going on just in their behavior/look but no real proof. He said if I need any other info, let him know. He confirmed the STBXW existed. Up til then I had rumor.
OM's dad- since he squealed and believed his son's story, he's either useless or needs a stronger exposure. Perhaps a pic? Show son is lying. And perhaps a warning "My W is 29 and is simply toying with him. He'll be crushed AND he'll have divorced STBXW for nothing. He'll be in your basement a LONG time."
STBXW- GREAT intel from her but only verbal. No hard anything. Young and still angry. However, over last nights chats, when I told her Coach/Sandi's importanace of respect to a womans feelings, she said she could feel the feelings draining quite quickly. But an ally? Not strong emough. I left her with "Simply deny you know me at all. It'll keep you safe."
Agreed. It is important to me that she knows that, temporarily, the door is still ajar if she comes out of the ether.
The intolerance of the A and gaining respect is paramount. Especially now since I'm quite sure OM is unravelling and looking less attractive. STBXW says when his real personality comes out, and it happens quickly as he gets comfortable, it won't be pretty.
So, I'm leaning Gucci rather than Allen- which I have in reserve for "stepping it up" if nothing changes.
I DO feel that Dobson and Exposure are compatible. Having said that, I also think others have made "Letting Go" an approach that is different than Exposure. Dobson laid out no clear approach, just philosophies and protecting the line of respect. He left specifics (approach) to the individual to seek personal counseling on.
I'm saying this to not confuse anyone by my earlier statements, because anyone having read my posts knows I LOVE Dobson. I still feel that if you are seeking counsel (as Dobson advises) that you have to determine in each individual sitch as to the best specific course of action. Allen and Puppy are right on - Exposure and "Letting Go" are different forks that MAY lead to the same road...and you can go down both if the other one isn't working. However, I would listen to them about which to take first.
Each case is different and you have to go with what you feel is best in your case. Having said that, DO NOT let fear be your determining factor here. You can't take the letting go fork because you're too afraid of the other one! If you do so, take it because you have truly thought out why the other is better. Personally, it sounds to me you've already started down the Exposure road, so why back out of it now???
I'm not an expert in these specifics... I'll leave that to others. Just my 2cents.
I have not had the pleasure of reading a lot of Gucci/Robx threads/posts. I've seen a few things but since I hang out here in Infidelity and they seem to hang out in Newcomers, I've only happened on a few things here or there. It sounds like both are proponents of "Letting Go" which is supposedly Dobsonesque.
