Been a long time since I posted, H has gone away sailing for a week, so I am able to ome on here without getting caught. LOL
Things are good between us, however I am suffering from PIS ( Post Infidelity Syndrome).
I know a lot of you peicers will know what PIS Is. I cant let it go !!! the pain is still there, and im frightened.
Update on H and my life.
We have our house on Market, we have been looking for the perfect home since Christmas, Found one but it all fell through and have just litturally found another, at the moment negotiating an offer with the seller, had someone round to look at this place today and seems they love it, I am hoping they ar going to make an offer next week.
H is very different, he wants to move more than me. He never wanted to before the bomb!! he is much more settled seems like he has made up his mind we are together forever.... hmmm I had made that decision years ago!! its only reflecting on the way he is now and the way he was I realise he obviously hadn't.
The pain I feel from that realisation is hard.
I thought we were happy .. seems he wasn't I Trusted him 100% .. Seems I was wrong to I loved him with all my heart .. Seems he didn't me
OW still works at his place, although he has told me she is leaving ( Good bloody riddence!!!!)
So, How do I get through this? I have lost respect for H I dont feel the same He is not the most wonderful being on this planet anymore
Of course I still love him, I wouldn't be here if I didn't, but I feel so let down.
I dont trust him, I still feel its still going on sometimes. In reality I KNOW Its not, But I just feel it some times.
We had an incident with his phone a couple of months ago, I questioned him, and mor recently ( I havent a clue why) but I just bought it all up again and started to question him, I really wish I hadn't, bcos I found out something I had not known before and I couldn't eat for a week bcos of it. He admitted he had been S***ing her in his office.
I obviously knew they had been doing it somewhere but to hear it just made me physically sick!!! specially when He wasn't doing it with me. I asked him did you enjoy Shagging an ugly woman? he said Im not answering that. He has said he didn't fancy her, Please someone help me to understand!! why would u do that ?
Anyway Im acting " AS IF" most of the time but I want to let go, how do I do that ?
When we move we are gtting more land.. the reason .... for me to live my dream and have my own horse. H knows I have always wanted that, So , we are doing it. He would never do that before, I should be happy , instead im scared!! Why ?
Sometimes I look at him and think, you have ruined everything and at one point when I was having one of those thoughts he said something to me, I said H you will never know how much I once loved you, He looked at me with such sad eyes. I knew it was not good dbing, but at that moment I wanted him to know I have lost something, if I keep doing that we wont make it.
I think it dosn't help that I cant visit the board, if he saw this place he wouldn't think it had helped us get back togethr ( he is too skeptical).
How can I move on, let go of the past, enjoy my new H, use the A as a stepping stone to something new.
Our D is so happy Mum and Dad are back together. H is happy, I know he is, he is more loving, he is totally different, the issues are with me and my PIS.
