I'm making the same mistakes so don't feel bad. I want my W to know that I know she's having a PA. Unfortunately for my sitch my W has already checked out and I don't think there is anyway to repair what we've done.
The main thing is controlling our anger and insecurities and be great fathers to our kids. I found out this morning that W has moved on to OM2 and has gotten physical with him. I LOST IT!!!!!
Not sure why I lost it, she's free to do whatever she wants. I feel that while we are living together we should maintain some sort of respect for each other. I learned today that I can't control that and she's going to do what she wants when she wants.
It's so hard to put on a smile when W is around but I need to start doing that for my son. Not much advice i'm offering but I wanted to let you know that your not the only one who lets his emotions take over.
So with OW2 wife won't feel as special anymore. Also OMW will likely put a long term hell onto OM to the point where the affair with your wife is not benefitial to him.
so hopefully you learned that being jealous gives the impression of:
- insecurity - being scared - not being confident - talking about the other man as much as you did makes you appear to be threatened by him - show less value than him (what's he got that I don't got) - fear of loss - being angry, not happy - clingy, needy
Among so many other things that just aren't attractive to women.
She wants him that bad, let her have him, "be with him, I hope he makes you happy!"
You cling to her like she's the last woman on earth, she isn't the last woman on earth, I don't have an exact number but I'm pretty sure there's a few billion other women on this planet and out of that total number, I'm sure there's at least 2 or 3 or more women that might actually suit you just as well as this woman if not better.
You have the mindset of scarcity, nothing left for you, but you should really have the mindset of abundance, there's numerous possible women out there for you.
One of those mindsets is extremely attractive and will attract more things in your life, the other mindset will achieve the exact opposite.
Decide which mindset to start adopting, which behaviors to start exhibiting, the new kind of life you want to lead which will produce the results in your life that you want and I guarantee you things will change for you.
Rob, you took the words right out of my mouth....I am glad I went back to read a little more on Dan's thread before I posted.....
Dan,
Tell us what you are doing to GAL....how many new friends do you have? How many are female? How many are more attractive than your W?
A confident man can have lots of female friends and maintain healthy boundaries......
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Wifey may not be as attractive to him because she's cheating on him. A "Wife" doesn't have to be as physically attractive as a friend to be more attractive over all.
What happens though is a person who is being cheated on starts to question their self-worth, their personal value drops fast and they feel the need to start proving themselves to their WAS that they are good enough, the jealousy kicks in and along with attempting to prove their value (human nature dictates that we pursue value, we're always interested in better, higher value, etc.) the LBS tries to pursue with pleading, groveling, gift buying, dinner buying, doing extra tasks, "jumping through hoops", etc.
Don't do it is all I can say, it never works.
The quickest way to show higher value in all of these situations is to say "OK, you want the other person, GOOD! That frees me up to get someone better than you" and then actually follow through on this with casual dating, social interaction with other people.
You can't just talk the talk, you have to walk the walk.
The WAS expects the LBS to pursue, when you chase something it will probably run away from you/evade you so you do what's counter-intuitive to bring a WAS back, you move in the opposite direction, you "run away" from them and then they question themselves, what they've done, why the LBS is moving away so quickly. So the lesson here is not to chase the WAS, in fact do the opposite, leave them or kick them out. You pull them in and they push you away so stop pulling them in, push them away and they will try to pull you back in. Gucci has said it hundreds of times on these forums: reality shows that the person doing the rejecting is the one being pursued, if the WAS rejects the LBS, the LBS pursues the WAS, change things around, the LBS should become the WAS, agree with the WAS and their decision to be with another person and then start dating other people and reject the WAS and push them away while the LBS moves in the opposite direction of the WAS and observe what happens then.
Great advise.... I have felt guilty to start dating but I think I will give it a shot in the near future. If the WAW has moved on I guess it's time for us LBS's to start.
M: 36 W: 29 S: 2.5 EA: 2/2010 OM1 D Bomb: 3/2010 PA: 6/2010 OM2 W moved out 8/2010 Loc: DE, USA
So I(OMW) get home last night and decide to have a little chat session with OM after drinking a bottle of wine with my girlfriend. I started asking him about talking to W – at first he denied it and then said yes they did talk – last week after you told her about him meeting OW2 in Vegas and lying about not going to work W immediately sent him a text letting him know she would calling and wanted him to answer and he did. She told him what you told her about this new woman and he completely denied it AND she believed him – told him I guess OMW and Dan are playing games with me to be mean and hurtful and then she told him she knew he’d never do anything like that…….ha was she ever wrong!
Well her seeing the e-mail between you and I really set her off cause she sent OM a text after reading the email telling him as an FYI that Dan and OMW are communicating multiple times throughout the day and sharing personal information about OM and that she now knows that he lied to her about this woman from Vegas and she basically told him she wished him unhappiness and misery because that is what he deserves!
He tried telling me that the only reason he talked to her is because you and I are communicating and creating this situation – told him don’t even use that as an excuse. He took her call because he knew that I told you about him meeting up and OW2 and that you’d tell W so he wanted to convince her it was a lie – said he didn’t want her feelings hurt cause he knows she going through a lot already. I said how’d that work out for you cause now she knows you’re a f-ing liar – he said yep she does, she knows I’m an ahole but that if he wanted to he could smooth things over with her pretty quick and she’d be fine with it – his way of letting me know how much she really likes him. I said to him, so she’s really upset with you and he said hell yes she’s f-ing pissed. I said, if nothing went on between the two of you – why would him meeting another woman upset her and he said because of the timing and how it looks – like he dumped her ass and met someone else and here she went and filed for a divorce and is getting out and he went off and found someone else instead of continuing on with her. Anyway, he was all frazzled and upset – wasn’t going to go to work – told him to get the hell out. He brought up getting divorced again and told me if I can’t drop this, things aren’t going to ever get any better – I grabbed his face and told him, until he gets her the f out of his life and makes it clear to her that he doesn’t want anything to do with her, this will never get any better – he said, believe me, she won’t contact him ever again cause she’s f-ing pissed! I told him that I am going to check his phone records over cause I know when Dan told her about OW2 and I know this week when she sent that text and I’ll see if he had calls while at work and will assume it’s her calling him – he said last week when they talked it was right before work which I caught him lying cause he originally said she called him from work – just the constant lies that he can’t keep straight – he said she sent him the text this week right before 8:30.
He hates it that you and I communicate because between the two of us we find out that things are STILL going on between them. Oh well I told him – it’s the only way that I am finding out that he continues to lie to me – said if he didn’t like it, then he should stop – he said he has and that they didn’t talk for a couple of weeks and she contacted him first but who knows if that is really true….but at least she knows that he did lie to her about meeting someone in Vegas…..poor W.
This makes me want to throw it in her face and dance around her laughing and mocking her, but since that is what I want to do, I know it is the wrong answer.
Just be quiet and let her stew, right? Please say I should dance!!! She is such a victim!!!
Thanks for all the earlier replies. I will read them when I have some privacy.
You are flying with the crows instead of with the eagles. This is high school mentality crap. Stay out of the mud w the swine. Need any other metaphors??
You need to be better then this. If he wants her. Let him have her. Do you really want sloppy seconds?
B better then this.
You should want someone that thanks God everyday for you.
karma's a beotch!!