While S was asleep I moved the rest of H's clothes and personal effects to the driveway (nice sunny day) called and told him that he needed to come get them before S wakes up. He did.
Now gentlemen - before you go off on me regarding agitating the lion - I have to defend myself. I am trying to prevent my own CRISIS. If I see one more thing of his around here while knowing he is trying to "protect" his new "friends" - then I don't think I can heal. Other than the phone call to the "sex line" - I've not harassed, pursued, anything.
I have been trying to do this all on my own (with a C) - I've been trying to be strong - to not break down - to keep things "normalized" / however I am at my breaking point. This does not mean that I am not standing for my marriage - I am. But my H is mentally ill - delusional - irresponsible - and completely detached from reality. He is living out of his car - hopping from one "friend" to another. This is NOT a good thing for my S to be exposed to.
I've got to get this s**t away from me. I can't think straight! I've called my sister and my dad to come in for a few days to help me and maybe distract S and help me get a grip and get organized for the attorney. I can't believe those words are coming out of my mouth (or hands)!
How did this become my life??????????????? What is MY role in this madness???? I can't answer this - I was not the perfect wife - I was controlling - I was insecure - I was distracted - I did underestimate my H's feelings - I did let myself get frumpy - but I also did go to counseling / did admit / did try to make amends / was willing to do ANYTHING! I am broken!!!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
