Since I may not be legally married, can I ask W to drop the suit regardless? or is that a sign of weakness?
That's a legal and financial decision to make. To me if you are looking out for your best interests it's not weakness.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Although you may not have been legally married on March 3, 2001, at some point after June 17, 2001, you may have become "common law" married, depending on the law in your jurisdiction.
CP- Assuming you were married in Louisiana, common law marriages are not recognized.
Also, technically speaking your marriage would be consider void and she could be brought up on Bigamy charges.
(1) To any person whose former husband or wife has been absent, at the time of the second marriage, for five successive years without being known to such person, within that time, to be living; or (2) To any person whose former marriage has been annulled or dissolved at the time of the second marriage, by the judgment of a competent court; or (3) To any person who has, at the time of the second marriage, a reasonable and honest belief that his or her former husband or wife is dead, or that a valid divorce or annulment has been secured, or that his or her former marriage was invalid. Whoever commits the crime of bigamy shall be fined not more than one thousand dollars, or imprisoned, with or without hard labor, for not more than five years, or both.
Married 10 Together 13 ILYB 1/4/2010 Separated: 1/4/2010 Moved back in 1/28/2010 Reconciled 3/14/2010
CP- Assuming you were married in Louisiana, common law marriages are not recognized.
Also, technically speaking your marriage would be consider void and she could be brought up on Bigamy charges.
(1) To any person whose former husband or wife has been absent, at the time of the second marriage, for five successive years without being known to such person, within that time, to be living; or (2) To any person whose former marriage has been annulled or dissolved at the time of the second marriage, by the judgment of a competent court; or (3) To any person who has, at the time of the second marriage, a reasonable and honest belief that his or her former husband or wife is dead, or that a valid divorce or annulment has been secured, or that his or her former marriage was invalid. Whoever commits the crime of bigamy shall be fined not more than one thousand dollars, or imprisoned, with or without hard labor, for not more than five years, or both.
Yup just went over this....
I have an excellent update...It didnt play out as I anticpated, but it is working.
..typing..
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
Well MIL called W back on what has been going on. It was not what I wanted, as W was on the road and when she called me. MIL asked her what was going on? OM and EA, money, etc. It was good as MIL was another voice. One that was not seen as someone to argue with.
W was so hurt cause I involved MIL. I told her I do anything or get anyone who would help. One who wouldnt take sides. We fought at first she said why I would say all these things to her mom. I told MIL the truth, anything I said was backed up with facts. I can show them to you. She really freaked out about the M and it may not be legal. (This was new and MIL did not know about this yet, not even W) She was hurt by what I and L found out.
She quickly dropped the rope with me. She was the one validating my feelings. Wow huh....W was comming clean on everything. She admitted to everything. Hell she almost went "text by text" what she did with OM. She admitted to the pictures, talking and meeting. But did not do anything sexual, physically, or on the phone.
Well I left with the kids on vacation. W has almost been texting and calling nonstop to talk. I even told her there are some younger women talking to me. I am at the beach, and yes been flirting. Not actively, but If another woman starts chatting, I do converse. W states she is not jealous, but keeps insisting what I talk to these women about. Its been almost 5 days apart and I got the "I Miss you and want you home" today. She even called L to put a stay on the D papers. So this trip is doing us some good. We even had phone sex. Something we used to do quite a bit, when I used to work on the road alot a few years ago.
..oh I did leave a Just thinking of you card,3-4 sunflowers, and a bag of M&Ms(her favorite) for her. Plus I left the house spotless. She loved this greatly and told me so.
anyhow, sorry for rambling on so quick, busy with the kiddos....Looks like things are on the up and up. Just gonna take it slow.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
Leaving her a card, treats, and having phone sex with her right after she cops to all of her infidelity is your idea of "taking it slow?"
Go back and read your post, CP. Look at what it is she's responding to: tough legal stance, putting yourself out there to other women, your distance.
I'm glad she's putting a stay on the D and asking you back, but I'll be blunt: you only get ONE shot at this critical stage of it, and I'll tell you what nearly EVERYONE does wrong at this point:
They immediately go all "melty-man."
She has to EARN her way back, and you need to be ready with what your list of boundaries are for when she asks "What will it take?"
Hey congrats, I know I'm new to your post, but as Puppy has said watch your back and take it slow. As my W was remorseful and did delete OM from Fb, phone, and emails.
I also told her that I really didn't want her friendship if she was going to continue with affair. So supposedly it stopped, but W still wanted D and this was back in Feb. Many mixed emotions since then and we were even intimate shortly after I broke the Affair.
Now after a few months of mixed emotions we are separated and she finally admitted she still had feelings for OM. Now that we’re apart it’s tough to know what to believe. So just be careful as I too want to make our M work, but you have to look out for yourself... Thanks talk later Hope
I am trying not to go "melty man". Its hard. The only other things I have done was send her a postcard from the family, and the kids ask to get her a t-shirt.
Since we got back, she has been excited to see me. She has asked me to stay in bed with her, but is still cautious of me moving back in completely. she has had the D dismissed. She calls and text me alot not, she also is excited when I come home. She talks, sits with me, and wants to be by me. She even tells me she loves me.
Currently, I am not doing anything else, but my usual GAL. The only exception is we are having sex. I know we had it twice, and the phone sex.
My problem, is that it appears to be going good, but for some reason, I am cautious of moving back in. I see she has cut off all communication to the OM. She is now telling me what she spends money on. As far as I can see, has been truthful on anything we talk about or she tells me. I have not gone back to my old ways, though do get a bit of bad behavior, which I catch myself on and apologize for. I still love her and would do anything for her, but I have this feeling in me, that the M is different. That W is different. Its a feeling that I do not care if we reconcile or D. It's strange....I dont know, I am just confused now.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
Almost forgot...She did surprise me for my birthday Sunday. She went out got a cake and some icecream. funny I don't remember if she did this before. My mind has been clouded in anger for so long, I dont remember those things. It was nice though.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
