i don't have sex twice a week; i only have it once a month according to her timeline. we have sex about a week after her period and as i said before, once she's satisfied, she's done for the rest of the month, and if i make any initiations, she automatically turns them down. this is how it's been for many, many years. if i was getting sex twice a week, i wouldn't be on this forum.
ok, so you guys are suggesting that i completely stop having sex for a very long time in order to turn it around, making her realize that something's wrong. i often thought about this, tried it once years ago, but she called my bluff because when i said no, she just rolled over and said, " no problem," then i couldn't take it anymore, and initiated, and then she played games by saying that she's no longer in the mood, etc. so that didn't work, and i've never tried it again.
i've been thinking about this and i think that i am prepared for this 180, because it's time that i start doing for myself. i ain't getting the quality sex that i want from her, or even the quantity; what have i got to lose? no sex? that's how it is now!
we haven't discussed anything about last week, she hasn't even discussed the websites i sent her about sex being fun, and healthy, and that she still has an issue, and i am not going to talk about it. she/we have been going about our business as if there is nothing wrong with our marriage. it is completely platonic: no discussions about sex, no acts of intimacy: we are just "being." no deep conversations about anything. i would always be the one to want to discuss about the lack of romance and intimace and sex, and now i continually deflect these ideas and feelings, and do my best to think about something else telling myself that it's not worth it.
also, we have always worn our wedding bands: i have never taken mine off. she has her engagement ring, her wedding band, and her diamond wedding band. months ago, i started to notice that she was sporatically wearing them, and now she never puts them on. when i asked her why she doesn't wear them, she said that they are too small. i have yet to see her take them to the jeweler. but if we go out miraculously, she wears one. that pisses me off, still does. a few months ago, i confronted her about it, and she got mad saying that it wasn't a big deal, and that if it was such a big deal, she would wear it ( but it was all said angrily). maybe the time wasn't right (before work), but why would she get so mad? because it's a power-play: i was asking her to do something she didn't really want to do and she wasn't going to let me get any satisfaction out of me winning.
this may be petty, but it's symbolic; it's a metaphor of what this marriage is: it's not about the sex, it 's about the person and how the person feels about the other, and how the person treats the other, and i truly feel that there has never been a real respect for me, for who i am, for what being married to me really means.
not wearing your wedding band not a big deal?! that was another slap in my face--just one of dozens of others (see my earlier posts from last year under).
i know many couples don't wear their bands, but that's usually agreed upon in the beginning of their marriage, but like i said, she never took them off until recently, and that bugs me. she still doesn't wear them--only if we are going out. i don't think she even puts it on when she gets together with her friends. i will have to check next time. but i know she doesn't wear it to work anymore.
i know that i am over analyzing and will stop, because it's a negative vibe, and i really need to focus on me.
i will stop having sex with her. it's going to kill me, but i will do my best to become celibate with her and only be platonic.
she's probably going to be happy that i am no longer bothering her, but then she's also going to think that i am having an affair because this is so out of character for me. she's going to also give me the third degree about why i no longer want to have sex.
what do i tell her then?
Guys... I woke up today in an old mindset. First of all, all the questions and situations we pose here are demasculating to post them in the first place, and its demasculating to have it on your mind.
If a woman is yours, or a man for that matter... They will leave no doubt in your mind that you are of prime importance to them. So the sex-rate while it may not be exactly to your standard, it will be close, this once a month crap would not exist.
A spouse or long term gf would do niceties for you such as cooking, being sweet for you, helping out, thinking about you and showing how they do it. A woman wants her man to feel like a man, and they would leave no doubt in their mind by their actions that you are their man.
There would be none of this adhering to the other parties rigid schedule and rules.
Anything outside of this, is not tolerable.
Now I'm starting to remember when I was in and coming out of college... I had alot of female friends, so I got to see some of the things they rationalized and they did, from their point of view.
One lady I knew, her thing was she'd get these boyfriends, but they weren't really her boyfriend. She'd feed them enough scraps not to leave, but she would treat them like crap and ignore them. This was not her real life to her. Her real life was the guys she pursued and played with outside of the relationship. She would bring people around the "boyfriend", and ALL of them knew and where closer to the female than the "boyfriend". Actually I'm sure many of them sexxed her more often, and knew her deepest and innermost secrets. She painted that "boyfriend" as gay, and while I know he wasn't gay - it sure made him look more like it.
One of the signs of this... Now I remember. Females like this COMPLAIN all the time about their relationship partner. They COMPLAIN to the people they are "with". So it may be a social group, it could be all females and she's not doing penetrative acts with other males - but the "boyfriend" is getting emotionally raped.
A woman or MAN for that matter, will take a bullet for the one they truly love. They can be injured, and will still go out of their way to please that one they love, there will be no excuse. Occasionally, since they are a human, they will think about themself.
Most of us on this board, are with people who have either made themself "SINGLE", or really are WITH SOMEONE ELSE. This is the reality.
Now I stand by my old mantra. If your not screwing your own wife, someone else likely is. Sorry.
Things in life truly are usually simple. If you have a relationship partner who is with you.
You will:
1. Be treated well, or at least as well as they know how to. 2. You will have cooperation 3. You will FEEL loved 4. You will have a descent sex life, or they will be working on improving themself 5. They will not "bad talk" you very often. 6. They will leave no doubt in their mind that they are with you. 7. Also, you WILL be able to hurt their feelings
With the right lady and man for that example. The president could come to meet your family, and you will have not a single insecurity, because your spouse will make sure you are well represented. They will present a front with you as their spouse.
It pains me to read some of the stories here, and I know I've done my contribution. Some of these cheatings and affairs, do go back to high school and college ways of dealing with people. The way its done is an immaturity behind it.
Oh by the way. I remember that being with someone who isn't with you makes you LOOK GAY.
I also read that a woman in an affair due to psychological components starts a demasculization process on a male. It really does take something from you when you are cheated. It could be that she doesn't want to be with you, and not doing the physical act yet... Its the same thing, you are missing alot of yourself and in life.
