I hear you, but my wife and I don't talk about the R at all. Partly at the advice of my DB coach. I was told to NOT talk about the R if there is nothing good to talk about. Actions are all I have; my words ring hollow to my W and only stir up negative feelings.
Yesterday I came home early and cleaned out half the garage, then steam cleaned one of our carpets and, after the kids were down, went outside it whatever remaining light there was and trimmed a weeping cherry tree we have that hangs over the driveway.

After I cleaned out the garage we took the kids for a walk and I showed her how much easier it was to pass on the side of my car. She hardly looked and only gave me a grunt and a few inaudible noises as if she refused to acknowledge what I did.

It's clear to me that my wife doesn't want to work on things (and this call her T made to my T will probably only confirm that further), but she doesn't have the will to force the issue. She doesn't want to hurt me and she wants to minimize the hurt on my end. She just wants me to wake up one day soon and "get it."

This is what got us into trouble in the first place. She expects me to just "know" what she's thinking and what she needs and wants from me. Rarely expressed it, just feels that when two people are connected they work in perfect concert with one another.

It's so hard to get my W to be playful and fun. I have argued with her brother that I sometimes wonder why she wanted children because a) she has no qualms about destroying their family and snatching away the hope of a normal family life and childhood; and b) she seems more interested at times about what tasks need to be done instead of cherishing the little moments with the kids. She'd rather be doing their laundry, cooking their food or running errands than being with them, it seems.

And when I watch the news I see the results of a broken home all the time. Just recently I heard about Billy Joel and Christie Brinkley's daughter Alexa Ray trying to commit suicide by swallowing sleeping pills. Fortunately she survived and seems to have learned something, but in interviews she talks about her need to be loved and how much she struggles with relationships and has negative opinion about finding the right guy. Where did that come from??? Her parents divorced when she was a child. Nobody can tell me that her lack of two parents raising her in a loving and supportive home didn't contribute to her issues today.

I really wish my W paid more attention to the facts.