Walk up to her. Calmly, very calmly. Say "I just wanted to congratulate you. Trapping a man into staying, classic but not very original. I wonder though...just how long do you think he'll be faithful to you? Or that's right, he already cheated with me. "
Then walk away. It's even better if you can manage it so that H won't be near.
Blue, I like the way you think. Pure evil genius.
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
Mystik, I read your posts and I can really feel you. I like you. Our posts are not that similar but I see weakness in you and I see strength. I feel your writing because I feel like I am the same way. So damn wishy washy. Please don't take this as a cut down, it was not mean't to be. One moment I am sure that I need to cut her out of my life and be done and the next I am remembering memories of happy times and say why not again. Why can't it be again? She says she is coming home this weekend but she is so messed up I really don't believe her. I really don't. Is that someone I want that I can't even believe what she is saying? 1. She doesn't have a way here unless i go get her, she has not ask even though I offered 2. I really think that she is just stringing me along to be there if all else fails. It is a really crappy feelling. I was married for 9 years. Had sex last week with her. It is crazy to me that she doesn't love me anymore but that is what i feel. It is an inner spirit telling me that. I am not judgeing her by her words-they say she wants to come back, her actions say different although she does call every day. I just don't know what I want to do. It is baffling. My best damn friend, my lover, is a stranger to me.
bluestar ~ That would require acknowledging she exists which I have yet to do. But I wish I had the cojones enough to tell her off.
RNM ~ Total re-write of our marriage. I agree that he is trying to twist things in his mind so he feels less guilt over what he's doing to me. There is no way on earth I can be friends with him. Like you said, I didn't marry him to end up as d'd friends with him. We can be parents, but nothing more. The hurt is too great. He is definitely immature, and his actions are selfish. It's all about him, which isn't that typical of the walk away husband?
P4M ~ It is hard when the person you thought you knew better than yourself becomes a stranger to you. It is the memories of the good times that keep me holding on because I believe if we were that way before we can be that way again. I'll stop by your thread after work, but for now I'd say stop puruing. Stop offering to help her out with things, stop sleeping with her, and a wise DBer has said to not put much stock into what the walk-away spouse says or does. (Greatly paraphrased but you get the point.)
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
I think that you are right-quit helping her, I will not send her anymore money, that was dumb anyhow, if she comes this weekend that I think that she is back for good. Then true healing starts. Or the real job of forgiving has to start. I just don't think that she loves me anymore. I don't think that she is coming. I am her safty net. I used to be the love of her life. Someone I know that she didn't think that she could live without. Now, I really believe that I am no importance to her at all. Just someone to help her if she really gets in trouble.
I know you still hold out hope that somehow someway things can still work out and nothing I can say will change that.
See this?
He knows he can treat you like crap, and you'll take it and wait for him.
Time to toughen up, Mystic.
This is not good for you. You have needs too, and you deserve to be treated with some respect, so get up, stop the whole self-pity thing, and have a darned good life without him, and show him he's not only an @ss, he's dead wrong about you being a permanent door mat.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 07/16/1001:48 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I know you still hold out hope that somehow someway things can still work out and nothing I can say will change that.
See this?
He knows he can treat you like crap, and you'll take it and wait for him.
Time to toughen up, Mystic.
This is not good for you. You have needs too, and you deserve to be treated with some respect, so get up, stop the whole self-pity thing, and have a darned good life without him, and show him he's not only an @ss, he's dead wrong about you being a permanent door mat.
But I'm not tough. All I know is doing the door mat routine.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
I am letting it consume and wreck my life. i know that she is not coming this weekend. i don't understand why she begged me to let her come home and then no call to day, she didn't tell her mother that she was coming back to me. her mom thinks she is just telling me what i want to hear to keep stringing me along. i was excited about this opportunity to make things right. After talking to her mother i new that it was false hope. i was used. she didn't ask for anything. she said she was going to leave her husband, that she wanted her family back and then changed he mind it looks like to me with out me doing anything. I was begging or asking her to come back. i wasn't calling. i still am not. But she would have told her mom if she was coming back.
You really need to change your self talk, Mystik. You are a strong, powerful women and it's time that you acknowlege that. You are giving away your strength. Take it back.
Take a page from Newmama's book. Find a class to take, a meet up group, get involved at church, anything to get out of the house and around other people.
