Near WAW with EA - almost textbook sich

[doing my best]

Thank you for weighing in on my post Greek. I have been writing all of my notes from joint MC session yesterday on notepad and will post highlights later tomorrow. But you do bring up some good points that make me think.

Regarding old BF from college....as far as I can tell...and I have looked even on her Google phone....there really has been no contact that I can see. The web browsing on the phone from the “time period of EA” is very heavy. Kept going to look at his family FB pictures a lot. Grilled her yesterday during joint C session and I am going to believe her for now…with a wary eye. However, I do not believe she is over him completely. May be in heavy withdrawal...might even be hoping that this will all end soon so she CAN contact him. Perhaps she is tempted and barely holding back. At this point I don't know. She did say during session Wednesday that she does not feel the need to contact him as much anymore because he was there for support early on and that support is not needed now. Still bothers me though and have asked MC to probe again further next time because W gets very irritated when I bring it up. Says she is trying NOT to think of him.

W has been a good mother and wife. Probably the Giver mentality but kept giving and feels she has not done anything for herself...she has been everything to everyone here and I can see where she is now wondering what about herself. The re-introduction she made to me was poignant and basically I have not put the relationship as a priority. I have put the family as a priority and pretty much known as a family guy....camping every month with YMCA father/child programs (over 10 years)....trips to theme parks, water parks, bike riding, etc. But not taking time to focus on me and W. I realize as I read the books I was not meeting her emotional needs for affection well enough so I tried to show love in other ways...doing the dishes, folding the clothes, doing the weekly grocery shopping, making more than half the dinners, packing the school lunches every day. Needed to also listen to her....laugh with her....and take her away for a good time.

I have given her the "you can move out if you want to speech".....but I like how you put it so if I do it again, I will use your verbiage as a template. I am afraid of the Limbo and aware so I will try not to let that happen.

The MC during our session was pretty much focused on W. Trying to get W to share her true intentions. W used the following metaphor to describe her perspective….basically to her I was dead....gone months ago in her mind. She was almost done mourning me when all of a sudden my ghost shows up and is now haunting her running around saying "I've change! I've changed!" So I jump in and say in my best DBing voice....I never have said that I have changed....I have said that I am working on myself so that I can be a better husband and father and improve any and all of my relationships in my life now and in the future. Knew enough from you folks to NEVER say hey I have changed. Anyway - HA! No wonder she wants to leave our house....it is a haunted house. She wants to have a spiritual connection so I do not know what she is complaining about!

OK....will post some MC session highlights tomorrow.

Thank you everyone!

DMB