bluestar, I have DS home with me tonight and would rather he not see me fall apart, I've done enough of that around him. While I can't stop all instances of me being an emotional mess for DS to see, if I can prevent it from happening in any way I will.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
I have to agree - you know he wants a divorce, you know he is now in the "paperwork" stage, you know about OW and the baby... just read it and be done with it.
Be aware - your H will try and butter you up so the divorce will go how he wants it (no contesting, no attnys and so on). Do not bend on your stance that you will be retaining your own counsel and BE SURE to get the money he owes you. No excuses!
TH ~ I've actually been doing pretty good distracting myself from focusing on the e-mail.
CG ~ I'm just afraid of how I'll respond to the e-mail and don't want DS to see me upset when I can prevent it, you know? And yes, definitely need to figure out how/when to go over the money he owes me and find out when he will be able to pay me back.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
(((((Mystik))))) I know how hard that was for you, believe me. Now, you get to practice that strength you've been building. Don't respond to the message. Just do whatever you can to distract yourself.
I'll tell how I got through it. After I was sure my kiddos were asleep, I took a big glass of wine in my room, put in a sappy chick flick and give myself permission to cry while it played. After it was over, if I wasn't asleep, I posted here or read up on all the books I bought. Just don't do what I did and light any candles. I fell asleep one night and burned a hole in my nightstand. LOL! Lucky for me it burned out and just scorched the heck out of it. Thank goodness, no flames.
I'm sorry that I'm putting you through so much grief, and it sounds empty when I say it'll get better ... I think it's doing us both more harm than good to hold on to a relationship that is over. Yes, we had our good times to go along with all the bad, there's things both of us could have and should have done differently. I really think that if rather than dwelling on the past, we focus on the future and moving to a better place it'd be better for everyone involved. What's done is done - our marriage is over, all that's left is the formality of completing the legal paper work.
I know you still hold out hope that somehow someway things can still work out and nothing I can say will change that. I think you may be holding on to the idea of being married and in love more than holding on to me specifically. I think your resistance to the divorce has less to do with any actual feelings for me, and more to do with the desire to be loved and be happy. Please realize that any chance you have for those desires rests with you moving on so you can find what you are looking for ... as there is no chance to satisfy those desires with me. I'm sorry that I was able to move on first, but I truly hope that you will be able to do the same.
I want you to know though, by trying so hard to make things so difficult, it's only driving a wedge between us and making it harder for us to be civil which is only going to make a bad situation worse for DS. Mystik, it's time to let go of a broken marriage and work toward building a better life for yourself. DS needs you to be strong, he's being strong for you but it's an awfully large burden to place on a 6 year old.
This is hard to hear, and difficult to accept, but I have moved on. I am in love with husband-stealing Whore. Not just because she is pregnant with my child, or because things fell apart with you and me. Your efforts cannot save our marriage, only hurt my new relationship and make staying friends with you increasingly difficult.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
Ok, this is not good DBing. I'll tell you that right off the bat. But next time you exchange DS and the whore is there, I would do something like this (making sure DS can't hear of course)...
Walk up to her. Calmly, very calmly. Say "I just wanted to congratulate you. Trapping a man into staying, classic but not very original. I wonder though...just how long do you think he'll be faithful to you? Or that's right, he already cheated with me. "
Then walk away. It's even better if you can manage it so that H won't be near.
I'm sorry that I'm putting you through so much grief, and it sounds empty when I say it'll get better ... I think it's doing us both more harm than good to hold on to a relationship that is over. Yes, we had our good times to go along with all the bad, there's things both of us could have and should have done differently. I really think that if rather than dwelling on the past, we focus on the future and moving to a better place it'd be better for everyone involved. What's done is done - our marriage is over, all that's left is the formality of completing the legal paper work.
That choice of words really minimizes H's contribution to the problem. Sounds like H is just rewriting your M, and justifying his bad choices. Now that H has pg OW, it's 'better' for him (not you or DS) that you just 'move on'.
Originally Posted By: H
I know you still hold out hope that somehow someway things can still work out and nothing I can say will change that. I think you may be holding on to the idea of being married and in love more than holding on to me specifically. I think your resistance to the divorce has less to do with any actual feelings for me, and more to do with the desire to be loved and be happy. Please realize that any chance you have for those desires rests with you moving on so you can find what you are looking for ... as there is no chance to satisfy those desires with me. I'm sorry that I was able to move on first, but I truly hope that you will be able to do the same.
Again, more crap to justify, disguise, rewrite. H has to tell himself all of this f-in' b.s. in order to justify, absolve and explain away HIS guilt for how much he has f&*ked up.
Originally Posted By: H
I want you to know though, by trying so hard to make things so difficult, it's only driving a wedge between us and making it harder for us to be civil which is only going to make a bad situation worse for DS. Mystik, it's time to let go of a broken marriage and work toward building a better life for yourself. DS needs you to be strong, he's being strong for you but it's an awfully large burden to place on a 6 year old.
Completely bypassing that the thing that REALLY drove a wedge into your M is HIS A & OW. H is trying to manipulate you into 'playing nice' so that things are easier on HIM, d goes entirely his way.
There is already a HUGE wedge between you. H lives w/whore. H is d'ing you. H is starting a new family w/whore. It's not as if once you and H are d'ed that things are going to miraculously get better, and H is going to fall back in love w/you & leave whore. But H is trying to dangle that carrot (being friends) in your face in an effort to maintain control of the sitch. My H pulls this $hit too. I didn't get married to be d'd 'friends' and I don't think that you did either.
Originally Posted By: H
This is hard to hear, and difficult to accept, but I have moved on. I am in love with husband-stealing Whore. Not just because she is pregnant with my child, or because things fell apart with you and me. Your efforts cannot save our marriage, only hurt my new relationship and make staying friends with you increasingly difficult.
More rewrite, and justification and smokescreen. H 'moved on' while still m'd to you. And now expects you to roll over, take his b.s. and gladly accept it? More manipulation. NOBODY needs $hitty friends like H. Who cheat, manipulate, use and treat you like an after-thought.
I'm so sorry that you are dealing w/this man. He sounds like a very selfish, self-absorbed immature jerk. Just reading this made me so angry for you.
Please, please, please stand your ground for you & DS.
((((M))))
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
