PEI- Why do you need to make a decision right now? You are feeling down today. You are the only one that knows your H...but do not make a decision based on how you think your H feels or his actions.
Hon, any decisions I'm making are based solely on how I feel. Really.
And that's exactly what concerns some of us -- for you -- right now, PEI. You shouldn't make life-altering decisions based on FEELINGS, in my opinion.
There is a very wise poster that I've learned a lot from -- one who successfully DB'd his marriage, too. In fact, he and his wife BOTH post on here, so it's been great to get both of their perspectives on what he did to win her back.
Anyway, he posted something on this very subject one day, and I thought it so profound that I decided to archive it, in case someone else could ever benefit from it. This is the very first time I've ever re-posted it (the title is mine, btw, not his):
Quote:
Coach’s “Go by your Values and Beliefs, not Your Feelings” philosophy:
Respond in a way that reflects your values and beliefs not your feelings. As a Coach and a former military officer I know lots of ways to change how you are feeling. Feelings are fleeting, can be manipulated, can be dysfunctional, situational and are a poor compass.
Prisons are full of people who went with their feelings. To be a great DBer you need to be able to think. Detach and look at the situation in 360 degrees. State your goals (which are consistent with your beliefs) and come up with a plan of action. If your actions work keep doing it, if not try something new. Open your mind and don't let fear hold you back from acting.
If you love your spouse and let them go. It's not lying to do that, even though you don't feel that is the best thing to do. Understand your feelings, know why you feel the way you do and take healthy productive action based on your goals.
You have a choice in how you handle things. You can choose the path of love, self-respect, healthy communication, forgiveness and responsibility for your self. Or you can choose to be a victim, make others responsible for your feelings and let things happen to you. "Love your neighbor as yourself."
Don't let your feelings define you. Let your actions which is a sign of your character. Handle it.
