Here's something that I've been stuggling with; for a while actually. I mean, I busted a D 4 years ago, but our communication actually never really improved.
How do you explain to your spouse so they understand.
Situation....
When a spouse asks for help and the other feels they are helping, how do you explain that it's not recieved as help without sounding snotty or mean?
Example: I understand that H is trying to help, but when he only does something part way, it really isn't helping to me. Or when we he left the house to meet me last month at the family cabin, he helped by unplugging things (which is greatly appreciated since I pay the bills), but he also unplugged the fridge in the garage, but left the doors closed and stuff inside. So I came home to a smelly mess that I have to clean (while not saying anything to upset H)
Situation:
A spouse who doesn't understand the difference between help/support/concern and control
Example:
Since H moved back in a few years ago, my self confidence has dwindled. While we were split, I got my masters, worked 2 jobs, etc... Since he's been back, it's like I feel like... well crap when I try to do something. I've been wanting to go back for my Doctorate Degree, but feel like I'll never get anything done or be able to finish or successfully do my research thesis. H always says, "you can start whenever you want"...etc. But his actions are different.
How do I explain to him.... how can I spend hours in the library or got to Phoenix for a yearly residence when he's just going to accuse me of having a affair? Or how can I come home at night to work on my papers, when i have to finish the laundry, the dishes, mop the floor, etc??
Now, last week he came home with an application for a program for me. Come to find out, he also talked to someone at the Uni. about me, gave my email, mentioned I might like to talk to them... etc. Came home, but only gave me the app. The program isn't approved by my state, so I said, thanks. But H still pushed.
How do I explain that doing that wasn't help, it was pushy and controlling? (He didn't listen when I told him last month that that Uni. wasn't approved) How do I nicely say, helping would be to have gotten me a business card, and let me do the rest?
