Had a shower this morning and my cajones were back
Now I have a swagger. And I know why.
LOL - Glad to hear!
Me - Faithful wife H - WAH Bomb: Fall/2009 - PA/EA with OW for 1 year Both in our early 40's M - 16 years w/ no kids T - 21 years Separated since July of 2008 - H living with his mother
Hrere's an interesting question (and I'm posting on my thread and Setting Free)
Is there a conflict betwee setting them free and going through the exposure stage?
It appears to me that exposing my W and OM will appear to be me seeking revenge/raetaliation. Somthing done out of hurt.
If I'm setting her free, why would I do anything at all?
Just let them wallow in their own mess.
To add my 2cents here: This is where a lot of people, I feel, get Dobson wrong. If you read Dobson thoroughly - enough of his works - there is no conflict between setting free and exposure, IMHO. Dobson repeatedly said there IS to be accountability! He fully believes family members and friends should stand up to an unfaithful spouse! Now: does he go into the specifics of exposure and all of that? Well...no, but you have to remember: his work on "tough love" was WAY earlier than all of this other stuff by Penny Tupy, et al.
Personally, I believe Dobson would fully support exposure along with setting free. Just because you set someone free does NOT mean that you don't have others show him/her what he/she is doing to their family (and to themselves).
At first glance it may seem 2 totally different approaches and maybe in the DB/DR MWD world it is, but not in the Dobson world.
Letting my W go and yet standing up for my own beliefs/standards in refusing to enable this A to continue in private, did not appear to ME to necessarily be contrary.
I just wanted to ask the question to see if I was missing something or if doing it this way would send mixed messages.
W is confused enough already. And I didn't want to appear equally conflicted with my decision.
I hope you are sitting down with a fresh beer cause I just had a FANTASTIC day!!
1 The business owner called me back; gave me his cell. He only heard last week that we were splitting. I told him that I owed him "the truth" so he could protect himself. A's fail 99%. Morale, ethics, melt downs, conflict, etc WILL occur. You need to protect yourself. Secrets and deception are cancer in business as well as R's. Don't know if he'll do anything but I'm guessing the Service Manager (new, has no history with W or OM) knows, too, now. I told owner that if my W loses her job-though it's your call- then it will affect me and my D. OM has no kids. I said 'He's married or something, right?' Yes, he is. Or at least was"
2 His parents- I rolled up in front of their house and dad is outside. So is OM's car and truck. This tells me they flew together (WHO PAID FOR THIS?)I ask to talk to him "as a concerned parent" about his two sons. He's British so I get "What's this all about?" I tell him one son and DIL are enabling an affair. And the affair is with other son and my wife. I ask "XXx's married right? "No, recently separated" I tried a couple times to get her name but no luck. HE WAS VISIBLY SHAKING. Said sorry about 5 times. I said "Sorry this is a lot to absorb at once and I'm sure it conflicts with all the lies he told you" "BTW, I see his truck and car. I'm guessing he needed a lift to the airpot Wednesday (airport is an hour each way from there)" "Yes, I drove him." ( should have asked he he needed a lift back. Caise if W is dropping him off, it'd be fun to wait for them.) I don't know what if anything he can/will do, but his confidence in his sons is shaken. I wondered whether he would tell his wife. Left him my card if he had questions once it sunk in.
On a lark, I am now determined to find the wife. I stop at a dealership and ask some advice on esthticians. Because they know me, she Googles and calls first salon on list. Guess who works there? And is at the store? Yep and yep.
Off I go. I roll in and ask to speak to her. Lady says 'She's in an appointment an at least 30 minutes. Can I pass your name?' I said my name will mean nothing but tell her it's about her husband XXX.
30 SECONDS LATER, there she is. I say my name and she says "XXXXX's husband?" She says, I KNEW IT!!!
AND we went on for 30 minutes (sorry to whoever was trying to get her nais done)She filled in a million details.
We swapped BBerry PINS and she just hit me on Facebook. Neither OM nor W use it anymore.
I told her it is still too public as double agents could tip the hand.
So the first night my W EVER spent away from D (a ladies night w Sara?-Complete crap. Him.
She found some emails and accused. he denied. She's married; has a kid; too old; just friends
SCRIPT, SCRIPT, SCRIPT
ANyway, I ask when did you notive him detaching prior to separation. "Just before Christmas" A wwek later, I get the "My feelings have changed and I've tried but can't change them back
I ask "When did you sign Sep papers" Late April April 24 I got ILYBINILWY.
I ask "When did you physically separate?" Early June. Hmm. Justy when she told me the MC said she was done. ANd she actually said the D word out loud.
So, gonna compare notes a bit. I told her WE have 3 days to get our chit together.
I sent her Protection.PDF for a plot outline.
She will be exposing to her family tonight. She asked if I talked to OM's mom. She said she would.
So, I thought a secondary explosion of Infidelus Interruptus might be fun.
Thought either SHE sends the same thing I sent "word for word" to him
OR
I send "Tell OM (stbxw's name) says hi. I didn't know his dad was so tall"
THAT will create a reaction.
But I worry she'll crack. I need to talk to her.
May invite her here tomorrow evening for a chat.
AND HOW WAS YOUR DAY? I GIGGLED UNCONTROLLABLY FOR TWO HOURS!!!
The reason he claimed is she wanted kids. He tells his co-workers she's psycho? Why? Cause she guessed your a cheater?
So, what do you think the success rate will be for a 23 year old guy who doesn't want kids and a 29 year old single mom? unfortunately, HE will run on her due to his age and confidence gained from "Bagging my W".
OR, and I love this, his W says the pressure from all this ON HIM will likely cause a breakdown as "he's emotional and frequently cries" (Total mmoma's boy.
I couldn't have set tyhis up better if I wrote it myself.
