I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[newmama]

Haha about the nuns comment! How long do you need to be "abstinent" to count as a nun though? Does November 2008 make me eligible? Or does just kissing someone mean I can't stay in the club?

OK so here are some more details about the date....not enough to cover 6 hours though!

YES he was very attractive! He was better looking than when I saw him at the zoo brew... you see, he was wearing a baseball cap and t-shirt at the zoo brew. On Tues night he had no hat (and no hair but a nice tan bald head...I think tan bald heads are sexy!) and a long sleeve button up lightweight white cotton shirt and jeans. He has green eyes, neatly trimmed goatee, and is maybe 5'7"? Not too much taller than me. I was worried that maybe I had beer goggles on when I saw him at the zoo brew but guess not!

OK well the conversation only paused for like a couple seconds at most, and my favorite part was that he did 2 things that (in my experience) men I have dated rarely do on the first date:

1) INITIATE conversation topics
2) ASK ME about myself

So we had some little silly things in common, like we both loved the same beer, we both loved Lebanese food, we both enjoyed the same things recreationally, so far I think we have similar values...but I can't tell how many because the conversation was ping pong, to different tangents and stories, etc! So there is more to find out about him--and my curiosity is peaked of course!

But we did have some big differences: he grew up in a family of 12 adopted brothers and sisters- every one was adopted! He grew up well off financially, he lived in Europe for part of his life, he was married once before...he said it was when he was in college, they knew each other for a year, got married and divorced 1.5 years later. I thought it was funny how he slipped it in like "oh yeah, before I forget I have to tell you I was married once before, but it was a stupid mistake when I was younger, haha!" At least he was honest, right? And because he was married for 15 years when his wife left him, I thought "ok. This guy wants commitment!"

At the beginning of the date, I thought "hmm...good looking, fun to talk to...but I don't think I would be interested for anything serious. By the middle I was thinking 'uh oh, this guy is boyfriend material...he shouldn't be wasted on a fling...can I have a boyfriend already?' and by the end I was thinking "I can't wait to see him again! Are we soulmates?" (JUST KIDDING! But I did want to see him again) But here are a couple of things that I remember he mentioned...

*he said his last girlfriend wanted to have a baby but he realized she was more career driven and since he works from home (internet business), he would most likely end up being a stay at home dad while trying to work. He knows from raising his 3 kids that you don't get a lot of work done from home when you are taking care of kids. PLUS his girlfriend was jealous of the time he spent with the kids although she got along with them very well.

*he asked me if I wanted to have more kids. I expressed that originally I wanted 2 but that was happy with one, especially since I would worry that S would feel like he was "the half child" if I had another one. He said he had thought the exact same thing before! And said "you never know...you might change your mind..."
my point is that even though he is 44 he is open to more kids.

*About 1 a.m. he told me that he and his exW had lots in common, great sexual chemistry, she was/is an excellent mother... BUT sometimes they would be out camping or something and he would be pondering about "life" so to speak...and she would have NOTHING to say. I just nodded but he smiled at me and I had the impression that he liked the fact that I liked to talk because he also said

*he was surprised we had talked for 2 hours the night before...said the time flew by! But I won't mind read...it just was my impression

*He was very tuned into stages of divorce and said I was still in the grieving phase...that when he was in that phase he met a terrific woman but pushed her away because he wasn't ready to handle a serious relationship

*I had told him that I needed to leave by 1 a.m. so that I could get some sleep before greeting my son at 6 the next morning. But when I finally asked him what time it was, it was 2:15 and he said "oh, ooops....forgot to watch the clock for you!"


*He asked me like 3 times why I wanted to go out with him...why I emailed him after barely talkign to him at the zoo brew! I just explained that I was instantly attracted to him and was impressed with his dedication to his kids and we both went to the same college....and he was funny and confident and I wanted to get to know him more! I asked him if he had noticed me and he said yes, but that (51 year old) guy was with me all night!

*We both said we enjoyed the date and wanted to do it again and found each other attractive. I had asked him "so are you enjoying yourself?" (dumb question I know) and he said "I wouldn't be here with you if I wasn't! Yes, I really am having a good time"

* he was direct with questions and would ask "does that make you uncomfortable? Is it okay that I asked you that?" he didn't ask anything inappropriate, it's just that I thought you aren't supposed to talk about your previous relationships on the first date! you know?

*we both stood by the cars and I said "I had a great time! I hope we can do something again some time!" and he said something like he had a good time too and we should do something again. Yikes, I don't remember verbatim...but he said "so, no kiss on the first date? or..." and I said "oh, a KISS is okay on the first date!" and he said "well and you have to see if it's true that I am a good kisser!" (because he told me he was earlier in the night and I gave him a hard time and said "I don't believe you...prove it!" Where is this flirting coming from????) So he threw his gum out and kissed me, but he pulled away first. Then he "put" me in my car and closed the door for me and we waved goodbye.

I haven't heard from him yet...and am trying to think if anything I said or did may have caused him to not want to see me again? But I reminded myself that back in the dating days before stbxh, the men took 2-3 days,sometimes a week, before they called back. And I also remember that on Wed this week he was with his kids. He said when he is with his kids they get his FULL attention.

Oh and I am telling myself that if we never speak again, at least it was good "practice" and proof that great guys are out there! And that if I don't hear from him, I wasn't plannign on dating anyway!