Don't worry about what she is going to think. You did right. I would make sure I have fun this weekend, pick a day and make it all the way about you from sun up to sometime after sun down.
That would work... I would think to come up with somthing that gets the point across that she could HELP work on the home... and that she's not being much of an adult to avoid it and leave it for you to do alone...
I just can't come up with anything concise... it needs to be like 8 words or less.. or a wayward can't process
What was the "bomb" your husband dropped that helped you to turn around?
I personally believe that boundary enforcement is not necessary if you have respect. Because we would not do certain things and we would have "good" manners with that person we value.
I came back from a trip and my H told me he wasn't sure he wanted to be married anymore. He told me that it was too late, he didn't miss me when I was gone, had been too hurt by things in the past and he didn't see how it could change. He did ask if we could go to counseling as his own IC had recommended it. I got into IC myself, so at that point we both had IC and MC. I mostly listened in MC and filled in information when it was clear he'd taken a point of view about me that was just mind reading. My H had a bad habit of just making assumptions and never speaking up. He never once asked me to change or stood up to me.
It was mostly a bomb because, though I'd thought about leaving myself, I thought he never would. A million other people, maybe, but not my H. Well, he surprised me.
I also figured out he was smitten with a woman he worked with, and one night while he was sleeping, I found a love letter he was crafting to her. The thing that killed me were the painstaking edits in red pen on the page. I know my H, and I watched him woo this woman. It was tough, but I sucked it up and worked on myself. It took us 3-4 months to reconcile after the bomb (quicker, I think, because the woman wasn't into him as more than a friend, but there's not way that ho' didn't know his feelings), and we were in MC for another 2+ years. I feel like last summer was when it was finally "over."
And I agree with you, if there's respect, there's very little reason to enforce boundaries. However, if someone doesn't realize it's a boundary (and my H still surprises me all the time as I do him), you have to speak up about it. That's mostly what I mean about enforcing boundaries once you've reconciled.
It's been a looooong journey, but I'm thankful for it now. It's made my M a lot better. H actually in a roundabout way thanked me this week for stepping up and standing by him while he was in the fog. In the end, it's brought us both closer together.
But it wasn't a quick fix by any stretch!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
She will be away most of August. On business and 1 week of her and her family vacation.
I have about 83 more days until I have to sign the papers, or it reverts to a no-fault 2 year waiting period.
Time seems to be just flying by, with no change in her whatsoever. She gets more and more determined each day.
I KNOW this has to be about ME. But it seems like so many success stories on here were when the WAS waffled a little in getting the D proceedings going. They said they wanted a D, or maybe even moved out, but it seems like my wife is taking concrete steps EVERY day.
Making lists, calling this person, doing this, doing that. She is ACTIVELY pursuing her goal like it's been her dream all her life.
That's why I find so little hope. Because I don't THINK I've head a success story where the WAS was literally doing something EVERY day for the D, and then eventually turned around.
Last edited by Quicksilver264; 07/16/1012:24 AM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
Let me offer some advice from someone who has "been there, done that" with all the intel, all the "who was she texting at 10 pm?", "Why did she get off then?", reverse # lookup, etc.:
STOP IT!
You're obsessing.
She's a liar and a cheat. You already know it, and if you have enough evidence to win a court battle, you can stop spying for now.
You're spending W-A-Y too much time on her and she doesn't deserve it.
I know you are married to her, I know you love her, but for YOUR OWN SAKE, disconnect.
I know it's hard.
But here's what I've found once I took my focus off WS and put it back on myself. There are LOTS of people out there who:
*Think you are amazing *Treat you better than WS *Will flirt with you *Want to sleep with you
So STOP spending SO much time on the one who done you wrong. Work on YOU, GAL, flirt, and before long, you'll both have hand and the ability to strut down the street like John Travolta at the end of "Saturday Night Fever."
