180's are a great way of changing things, but they do take time. My two month sexual sabatical from my wife to allow her to learn to touch me, turned into three months and then there were two months of no-sex prior to that. I am not sure I would have had the courage to do my 180's had I known how long they took and how the timeframes (as documented by others on this forum) could have become years or decades. But when it was all done 5 months is not that long to save a marriage. During the 5 months and before that, it was hell, but that is another story.
Schnarch and the Passionate Marriage is an interesting concept/insight. The part about being true to yourself and the self soothing are all important, probably more important than I realized at the time.
Schnearch also kind of was scared me with some of the things he said in regard to marriage being a crucible that allows the best in you to painfully stretch to meet the mutual needs of you and your spouse. His view of marriage as a people/character building process is quite interesting and mostly rings true to me.
His whole marriage as a crucible concept is so different than the Hollywood "happily ever after" vision of marriage. After being at an ugly point in my marriage, I have much more respect for Schnarch.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
