Still trying to find my way

[Mystik]

I am a nervous wreck now people. H e-mailed me bright and early at work to say he e-mailed my yahoo yesterday and was that still a good e-mail for me. I told him yes but I don't check it often so he quickly wrote back asking what was better, said the e-mail was kind of long and personal and he didn't think I wanted him to send it to me at work but he could. I told him my home e-mail is the best, that I check it daily. He didn't respond. Shortly after lunch he e-mailed me with the subject DS, said he had to go to his doctor (said it was a long, gross story he'd tell me if I wanted but he didn't think I was interested in teh details). Right after I read the message and responded he called me to make sure I got it, and we coordinated for him to take DS tomorrow instead of tonight. I was good and didn't ask him what he needed to see his doctor for even though I was dying of curiosity. He's my H, I still care what goes on with him.

So I got home, haven't read his message yet. The subject is "Despicable Me". I am scared to read it. I know what I want it to say, that he knows how bad he screwed up and he'll do anything to save our marriage, that he loves me and misses me. But I know that it is not going to say that. He probably wrote about how he wants the divorce and is sorry he hurt me but I need to move on, etc.

I am so nervous, might wait until tomorrow when my sister is over visiting to read it so I have some support when I fall apart as I anticipate I will do.

ETA: he sent the message from his work e-mail which is surprising, where he works the e-mail is very closely monitored so I wouldn't have expected an e-mail from him at work unless it was to my work.