I think what you said about getting her something from the kids is the right way to play it. She knows that you helped the kids pick the gift and card out. She knows that you spent that time and remembered the occasion. Right now, that should be enough. Anything only from you will be persuing and not appreciated.
Just my opinion, and you know what those are like.
I was thinking that I would take the kids to get her a gift and card from them for her birthday and do nothing from me for either. Not even acknowledge the anniversary.
Is that the right way to play this?
YES!
Give kids some money, let the kids pick out the gift...and the card.....
You are teaching them proper behavior.....
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I'm almost afraid to post this, cause I know you guys are going to bash me and tell me how stupid I am and I probably deserve it, but this is what I said to W this morning. It isn't exactly word for word, but it is close.
Me: You must really enjoy lying to me now and you are so good at it I can't even tell most of the time.
W: What do you mean?
Me: Friend texted you at 11pm the other night. That's a good one. (laughing). I know it was OM.
W: How do you know?
Me: He told OMW that you texted him and she told me. Did you have fun reading my e-mails?
W: I only read one.
W: So you think I initiated this contact? That text came in to me.
Me: Right, but you texted right back. You read my emails earlier and texted him to warn him that OMW and I have been talking about him.
W: Yeah, and I talked to him too.
Me That's good.
W: How do you know I am not lying about that?
Me: I don't. But I know you were talking to him. You talked to him the morning you paid your retainer to you attorney.
W: I don't remember exactly what she said, but she kind of denied it.
Me: He admitted it. You go in to work on your day off and he has a 25 minute incoming call? Come on.
W: There's lots of ways to talk to him if I want to.
Me: Right. What's the difference. You are getting a divorce.
W: Right.
(Why continue to lie to me if we are getting divorced and she doesn't care anyway? Why is she reading my e-mails and looking at my Facebook page if she doesn't care?)
W: Do you really think I am going to end-up with OM?
Me: No. Do you?
W: No.
Me: Why, because he has a new girlfriend now?
W: No.
W: You can also stop reporting my whereabouts to omw. She is a violent psycho.
Me: Yeah, right.
W: I know you talk to her every day.
Me: I do not. It's been a week and I don't usually talk to her either. Generally e-mails. How would you know that anyway if you haven't been talking with OM?
W: I just know. And every time you talk to her you act all psycho.
Me: Oh, then I must act psycho every day then since I talk to her every day, right.
Break to go downstairs.
Me: Did you read about OM buying condoms?
W: No. What? So I told her the story about his wife tracking him with GPS and seeing him go out of his way to buy "gum" at the drugstore, but he can't remember what kind or how much it cost. Not gum, condoms to take to OW2.
W: how do you know he was buying condoms.
Me: He goes out of his way to drug store, says he bought gum, but can't remember which kind or how much it cost. What do you think he was getting there.
W: I don't know.
Me: Everybody else knows. C'mon, you are smart enough to figure that one out.
Then she left for work. I withdrew ALL of the few $ that we had left in our joint account this morning. Only a couple hundred bucks.
W just called and has now offered to pay $200 or 11% towards the mortgage, which is due tomorrow. She also has to pay her phone bill $150 100% and is trying to figure out how much she can contribute to any of the other bills. I think her check is only for about $600 after health insurance is taken out, so I have to give her credit for that too.
I'm going to work-up a spreadsheet tonight so I can show her where this all stands in terms of who is paying what and tell her that her portion isn't high enough. I'll also tell her that she needs to go full-time again.
but... and you knew one (a "but") was coming, you sound very jealous
Jealous is insecure, an insecure man is not attractive to women, in fact it's pretty much the opposite.
It's like the difference between a drop dead gorgeous hawaiian tropics swimsuit model and Rosie O'Donnell dressed up in a 2 piece thong bikini... unwaxed (no offense Rosie) to a man. One is extremely attractive and the other.... isn't.
Being a jealous man makes you appear as unattractive to a woman as Rosie O'Donnell in the afore-mentioned condition appears to a man.
Men are primarily visually stimulated when it comes to attraction, that's just how it is and what keeps him attracted afterwards is a woman's behavior. Women are primarily attracted to a man's behavior, that's not to say that women aren't visually stimulated because they are but a man's behaviors are what stimulate women more than anything: being confident, funny, fun to be with, happy, exciting, secure, ambitious, exhibiting leadership characteristics, being strong, assertive, etc.
So are you an attractive man or are you Rosie O'Donnell?
Got it. No more of these conversations. I just wanted her to know that I knew she read my e-mails and was lying to me. She lies to me all the time anymore.
so hopefully you learned that being jealous gives the impression of:
- insecurity - being scared - not being confident - talking about the other man as much as you did makes you appear to be threatened by him - show less value than him (what's he got that I don't got) - fear of loss - being angry, not happy - clingy, needy
Among so many other things that just aren't attractive to women.
She wants him that bad, let her have him, "be with him, I hope he makes you happy!"
You cling to her like she's the last woman on earth, she isn't the last woman on earth, I don't have an exact number but I'm pretty sure there's a few billion other women on this planet and out of that total number, I'm sure there's at least 2 or 3 or more women that might actually suit you just as well as this woman if not better.
You have the mindset of scarcity, nothing left for you, but you should really have the mindset of abundance, there's numerous possible women out there for you.
One of those mindsets is extremely attractive and will attract more things in your life, the other mindset will achieve the exact opposite.
Decide which mindset to start adopting, which behaviors to start exhibiting, the new kind of life you want to lead which will produce the results in your life that you want and I guarantee you things will change for you.
Got it. No more of these conversations. I just wanted her to know that I knew she read my e-mails and was lying to me. She lies to me all the time anymore.
Thanks Robx.
no problem, there is also no problem in standing up to someone and calling them on their crap behavior:
"Please don't lie to me, I'm an adult, I can handle hearing the truth, hopefully you're an adult and can handle telling the truth"
