I am just thinking since he's already exposed his daughter to OW you could just tell him NO he can't take her there. Allow him a supervised visit only in a place you specify.
You have your daughter asking questions no child her age should be asking. Make sure you write those all down and show it to your H. Make sure he knows that paper is giong to your lawyer and that his daughter is upset... More stress on him.
Yeah, it's crumbling for him . . . all my L and I need to do a) summons a few people to establish affair; b) subpoena the lease the the apt. and we can clearly show LIES and that it's in her name (I was bluffing on this but believe it 100%). Then it's easy to show that H exposed her to affair partner and lied about the circumstances to me.
Allen - used your points to respond to a text request. My L, by the way, has let me know how these can be subpoened. So my goal on text convo is to write as if a judge is listening . My H texted me that he wasn't happy about things "I've been telling my daughter" and could I please just make this smooth for her sake? This was yesterday, so I took one from the Allen play book and responded: "Due to you exposing dd to ur affair partner, she has been asking tough questions about u having a girlfriend. I will be documenting her questions and passing to my lawyer. Maybe he can refer us to a psychologist or social worker who can help us parent through this mess u have made."
Leaving for an in-state trip to my mom's this AM - asked a few people to provide intel while I'm gone.
In my experiencing, actually getting text message contents is very difficult. You may SUBPOENAE them, but they're difficult (and slow) to come by. In my sitch, my cell carrier (Nextel)'s stated policy was that they wouldn't even talk to you about it unless you had a CASE NUMBER, so once I DID (after filing for divorce), I sent that case # to their Director of Security, formally requesting the procedure to get the records, and despite three or four attempts, couldn't even get a response back.
However, just the credible threat of being able to get these may be enough to get your husband to cave.
Thanks! Still hanging on to letter to OW's parents . . . nervous H might use it against me to claim harassment. He's already been throwing that word around. Can you help provide me with some thoughts/info on whether that's harassment? Will it reflect negatively on me in a custody dispute?
Catching up on your thread, Mel. It sounds like you're doing great! Don't let H try to scare you into backing down. (But definitely protect yourself legally on the harrassment issue.)
Thanks for your thoughts, Allen and Sunny D. My lawyer doesn't like my exposure stuff quite honestly - told him about work email. It's not because he thinks I'll be sued or charged with harassment, but because he thinks it will make divorce proceedings more expensive and contentious. Says best thing is to get along . . . that's out the window!
At this point, I'm almost positive my H's plan for their affair is to claim they're "just friends" now and try to keep things hidden . . . then "whatdoyouknow we're dating" after the divorce is final or the air has cleared. That could be the only reason why he would deny the elephant in the room when we're both looking straight at it.
His fam is on my side, but don't want to contact OW - it's beyond their comfort zone. So, I'm halfway contemplating doing it myself with just a short succint email to the effect of "not sure what H is telling you, but whole family knows the truth and won't be endorsing your R when you guys decide to be honest about it." I get that this could raise her feelings of importance with me, but perhaps it would be enough to plant a few seeds of doubt with that plan.
Why sai "when you guys decide to be honest".. it just makes HER FEEL like it is GOING to HAPPEN when right now she's likley not sure still.
If you send her anything you want to send her something STRATEGICALLY to add additional pressure to knock the affair off balance.
You want HER thinking TWICE about trusting your Husband... He's cheating with her.. NEITHER ONE of them is likely very trusting right now .. They are both anxious and paranoid.
Exploit that to start a FIGHT over there.
I would post a note in their apartment building bulletin board with their names and room numbers and explaining in detail what the two are doing...
If the whole damn apartment knows they will have to do a walk of shame every time they go there.
Don't send a letter to make YOU feel good. YOu send a letter to pressure the affair to its END.. Or don't send anything.
Yes Allen - letter is to put pressure on situation. Think H might not be honest with her about how much I know and how much his fam knows - she might be holding out hope that just laying low fow awhile is all they need to do. Then they can surface and have a legitimate relationship. I want to blow that plan out of the water and have her realize that the only future for their relationship is a secretive future . . .
Trying to avoid being arrested in process so it needs to not be over the line.
. My H texted me that he wasn't happy about things "I've been telling my daughter" and could I please just make this smooth for her sake? This was yesterday, so I took one from the Allen play book and responded: "Due to you exposing dd to ur affair partner, she has been asking tough questions about u having a girlfriend. I will be documenting her questions and passing to my lawyer. Maybe he can refer us to a psychologist or social worker who can help us parent through this mess u have made."