It's all trouble, CD. It ALL sucks. My mentor thru my sitch wrote me something very early on, and it served me well to realize it:
"Puppy, life just handed you a great big sh*t sandwich. There's no other way to look at it. It's a sh*tstorm, and you can either steel yourself and plow your way straight THRU it, but you can't go around it, and you can't run away from it. And here's the thing: it's going to be there, and it will deal with YOU, whether or not you choose to deal with IT, so you might as well be the one to set the agenda."
He told me there were no guarantees.
And he also reminded me that I was the only one at that current time (or at least, the only ADULT) that had my marriage's and even my family's best interests at heart. My wife certainly didn't! And so he told me:
"Your family needs a hero right now, and guess what -- it gets to be YOU, because it's certainly not (my wife's first name) right now."
He was absolutely right.
People (not necessarily you, CD) come on these forums looking for guarantees, for magic solutions, and we all debate the "Gucci/Robx approach," or the "Dobson approach," or "Puppy's hybrid approach," or "Coach/Greek approach" or the pathetic "While They Wait" thing or whatever.
But the truth is, the BEST thing you can really find is "the less-sucky approach," and one that will maybe have the best chance of success, but it's largely still up to the wayward spouse. IOW, all you can do is maximize your chances for success, and/or -- and this is important! -- go with the approach that works best for YOU, and rings authentic to you and your own values.
DBing is like business: success comes to those who err on the side of DOING SOMETHING, and keep on plugging, and don't become so paralyzed with fear -- or so analytical -- that they don't do ANYTHING.
