Taylor, I know this is rough. Remember it is just stuff. I have realized the same thing. My wife and I have everything. Beautiful home, plenty of space, beautiful kids, beautiful memories, beautiful photos, etc. I was thanking God every night with prayer before I would go to sleep for all the blessings we have. I still do pray that at night. Now my prayers are a little longer because of the journey. When my wife rewrites history which is part of this MLC, I just laugh inside. She makes it sound like we were living in hell! Ok then, why do all my friends and family and people who just know us and our life say "What a beautiful family you have". They all saw it. I saw it. My wife saw it too. UNTIL........BAM! TILT! The sh##tstorm hits. We don't even get the tornado sirens or the annoying announcement on tv! Sometimes I wonder if God knows this journey (I know He does) and says "OK, he is ready, activate program 32##." Then my life has taken the new path. Should I be mad at God? See how far that gets me. Guess God knows that it is time for me to step up to face the future. It is up to me to make it ugly or really cool. I am shooting for really cool. Is it with my wife? Right now I hope so. If not, I can cry about it and will but there is too much to lose. So I can't wallow in it. Have to dream a little.
What would be cool for Taylor? I don't have a bike anymore, sold the Goldwing to buy the engagement ring 20 years ago. But I see a lot of people with bikes that seem to be having a blast out there. Some of those groups go all over the country. They seem to make all kinds of friends. That's not for me but is there anything like that you get to dream about?" You get to think about this stuff when maybe before it was not an option. He may come back from being the alien, but if he leaves and gets that space that they need for this (Sh##) I mean journey, then you get to do things that you could not do before. I realized I had my dreams on the back burner for most of my marriage by my choice. I was attending to her needs and made them part of my dreams too. I figured that that was what love and marriage were about. Putting the partner first and doing things with love even if I did not want to do them at first. I found that after a while she was right. Not that I was wrong but my needs were backburnered. I accepted that knowing that I could always fit them in.
