WAH and LBW separated and dark

[Greek]

Could it be you are not happy with who you are b/c you haven't become yourself yet. You have been trying to please and be for everyone else for so long, perhaps now that you see the impact that has had on your life, YOU will emerge.

there is so much going on in my head when i read that statement above.
from the impact of what my father said to me.

Which was a horrible thing to say to you and you have a scar from it. But remember I told you before - do not ALLOW it to define you.

to trying to understand the difference between being a doormat and standing up for myself in this d.

This is an essential skill to acquire. IT TAKES PRACTICE! I've been there. Had to learn it at a much later age than even you, old thing But with practice comes the grace and confidence to do it!

to trying to figure out what i want and not be selfish.
it determines what action or step i take.

it's funny you say that i've been trying to please everyone.
friend of mine recently told me that i've been very selfish since the d-bomb was dropped.
i used to think about everybody else and now i only think and care about me.
i was told to stop thinking about me and start thinking about others.

I think you can be a "pleaser" and "selfish" at the same time. And you come across as that hybrid to me. You seem to be a PLEASER b/c you WANT something in return. You please with an expectation of return. That is a sort of selfishness. It's probably part of the reason you are perpetually ticked at H and IL - you didn't get what you wanted when you were PLEASING. Contrast that to just being who you are, doing what you think is right and good and healthy, and it might please folks or it might not - so be it. You do what you do b/c you believe/think a certain way and you do things for others b/c you care about them and want to share goodness - whether you get anything back for it or not.

i feel the pressure of the expectations place on me to be a certain way.

I've been there, too. I convinced myself finally that this is my life - no one else's. I'll decide what expectations I'll honor and which ones I won't...and mine for myself come first.

i need to work on sorting all of those things out.

All part of growing up...and it does not end.

Greek