One day at a time....

[alice444]

I am realizing with each day that passes how "done" I am now. That saddens me, but it is true. I was willing to forgive the A and open up my heart again and work towards a fully restored M. Now, with everything that has transpired, I am done. Will there always be a part of me that loves my H? Yes, I am sure. But, at this point, I cannot ever imagine trusting or respecting him again. I am done.

((((RW)))) I know I haven't weighed in much, but I've been following along. I understand the sadness of being done. I may get there myself and it IS sad. It's sad to realize this person you fell in love with and had a family with just isn't really there anymore (or at least, not for you- that's the part that kills me- that they might be that old person with someone else...).

So, I communicated that to him last night. I did the Gucci/Robx approach of letting him go. Not as a DB strategy, because I am no longer fighting for this M. But, as a truth. I let him go. I blessed him to go. He was dumbfounded and shocked. He didn't like it. He said "why do you have to say something like that, it sounds so final. I am not ready to hear that."

Wait a minute..... whaaaaaaat?

OMG. Are you kidding me? What do they want from us, anyway??? They simply are amazing in their belief that they can keep us on the hook, dangling, while they do whatever they want and we'll still be there when they're tired of that other life. This is very eye-opening. How can he accuse you of doing something 'final' when he did the most final thing of all by wrecking things? How come it's offensive and hurtful when the LBS says "I'm done- please feel free to go?". Unbelievable.

You have an A and think you are in love with OW and plan to leave me, then after half heartedly making a pitiful attempt at reconciliation decide you are leaving me after all, tell the kids this..... and..... you don't want me to say something so "final"?

Just more consequences of their actions they're hoping not to face. They want the freedom, the "relief from pain" or whatever, but none of the resulting stuff.

My H is having a very bad time with people "knowing". So, I am getting the gears about that, sometimes in a very nasty way. And, the thing is, I actually have carried the burden of all this largely alone (other than the great people I have met here!) for over a year. So, the few people I have now chosen to confide in, who are trustworthy, he is having a meltdown about? The injustice and selfishness of this overwhelms me at times.

But, because that fog is still so thick there is no reasoning with him. I am being told I am the selfish one. That we should deal with this just by ourselves. Wow.

You are NOT selfish. He's being ridiculous. I get the not reasoning with them, I stopped trying awhile ago. Sometimes it makes me mad- that I don't "fight back" or argue things that simply make no sense or blame me, but it does no good, like you said. Boy, has he written himself a whopper of a story about this situation- he's the victim now. Talk about a "180". You need your support- if he didn't want anyone to know about all this, well, then he shouldn't have done it. Obviously, he assumes you will be the one who keeps things "nice" and doesn't make a fuss, or whatever. Well, get your support, tell who you need to. There's a big difference between asking for support and telling people the plain truth of what happened and skewering our WAS's, which most of us won't stoop to- but funny how they're afraid of that after being so righteous about their decisions.

Anyway, still feeling strong. Actually, with each passing day, as I detach more and more, I feel stronger and more resolved to do what I need to do for me and the kids.

So glad to hear this. Keep it going.