Though I got into bed more relaxed than I'd been in months, eventually I stirred and can't get back to sleep as my mind reels about the next 2-4 days before she returns.
And since some of you are EST, thought I'd get her response to my last up.
"Where I am and who I'm with is my own business. Most important is Calla and she is with you"
Interesting response.
Oddly, it makes her almost dead to me now. I believe Penny Tupy writes about The Great Race between the end of the affair and the LBS feelings about reconciliation dying. It seems this will be a short race.
So now I really have no fear at all about the exposure.
Just want people to know why our family was destroyed and by whom.
"Where I am and who I'm with is my own business. Most important is Calla and she is with you"
Interesting response.
Pretty typical EVENTUAL response, although they would usually squirm and obfuscate more initially. It's part of the whole "compartmentalization" thing -- she justifies her affair by saying "I am a good mother; this is about ME and only affects ME." My wife suddenly started baking homemade cookies, doing things with the boys she hadn't done in ages, etc. -- swinging wildly from periods of almost total NEGLECT of them (she'd be gone for hours, with them having nothing to eat for lunch in the house), to these periods of what I called "St. ______" (my wife's first name) in my journal.
I trust you ignored the text.
Hope you got a good night's sleep. I feel MUCH better today, altho now I'm having some other wierd symptoms (pain and tenderness and redness in my groin area, and now this morning the same thing suddenly on my ANKLE). I think I'd better go see a doctor, as this seems really strange.
Checking in this morning... Hope you were able to get some sleep, CD! I agree with Puppy about the response. I wouldn't try to read too much into it as to any indication of how she feels. OM could've told her to say that while she is reeling inside. You just don't know. I know it is very difficult to not try and analyze every word or action. The bottom line is, emotions are fickle so even if they are one thing one day, they can be totally different the next! Ask me - I know: picked H up from the airport last night and trying to figure out where he is at would make your head spin... there's no use.
I'm off to my first class this morning! Going back to school - very interesting for me.
Puppy - take care. Go see the doc! Hope you feel better.
Yeah, OM could be coaching her on that stuff, but that's the beauty of infidelitus interruptus. It takes all of the allure out of their romantic weekend plans, and turns it into stress and drama and horsecrap. Now the topic of conversation is . . . CALLASDAD, and what a PIA he is! It's like you fall on the marital grenade and take the blow (letting them diss you all weekend), knowing that you've blown up their plans.
Completely ignored it. She won't hear anything from me until she returns.
I was expecting more shock from it but she is pretty good at keeping control publicly. Also, and I think this is important, she has been with OM so much over the last few weeks and works with him that she has internally rationalized it so not to feel the guilt, especially when D is around. Thoug I believe D has picked up "something wrong with mom"
We'll see how comfortable she is with her rationalization and comfort when more than 5 people know about the A. Let her start thinking about how OTHER people think of her/them. She couldn't give a rat's #ss how I feel (another guilt reducing tactic) but what about relatives and employers and HIS parents?
Again, since last night (and it may come and go) I really don't care what she thinks or says of me. I KNOW I'm doing the right thing and I know I will be the stable influence for D.
It'll be sad to watch my W's life deteriorate and spiral out of control but I can't control that. Maybe it won't. Not important. I'm pretty comfortable with the fact that even if her current mindset isn't purely delusional regarding her feelings for our M and me, it doesn't change the fact that I deserve better than the marriage I have now and the one I lived for the last two years. I also had to come "out of the fog"
I'm concerned over the cost of doing this through a lawyer but it will be cheaper in the long run than doing it without.
If I can get everything I want in the Sep Agreement, the rest wil be a "Desk Divorce" Just ink.
Just want her out of the house and away from me. Wish I could keep them away from D. But if she has to watch mommy go through the collapse of the A, I can show D that daddy is OK and safe; and if I see she's hurting, sue stbxw for full custody.
So the ooner I can get this finsished, the sooner I can return to normal....or the new normal.
