New here, not sure where to start

[irishblessings]

Taylor -
Bear with me - but last night as I was re-re-re-reading Love Must Be Tough (Dobson) there was a paragraph that I think addresses what you are feeling:
The partner who is threatening to leave or chase another lover is rarely convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that he's doing the right thing. He's equipped with a God-given conscience, after all, that is hammering him with guilt. You can be quite certain of that. He may appear resolute and determined, but we must assume that a tug-of-war is going on inside. He feels terrible about hurting his kids, for one thing. Furthermore, a spark of love may exist for you as the woman of his youth, glowing somewhere beneath his cold exterior. While his manner is saying, "I don't care anymore," he may be engaged in these kinds of secret conversations in his mind: "Have I hurt the best friend I ever had? Maybe I should call off this whole affair. But I sure don't want my relationship with wife to go back to what it used to be. I do think I could love her again." Round and round go the pros and cons. Clearly, the LBS must not smother the leaving spouse. She should give it (the relationship) plenty of room to breathe, hoping it will grow into a small flame. That is accomplished by calling off the offensive. Freedom, you see, is the fuel of romantic fire!

I am trying to follow this advice - definitely not easy when all I want is to be in his arms and feel loved and feel secure. But I have to believe that this is the internal struggle HE is going through. So freedom it is:) But you see, that also gives me some freedom to tend to the things that I have neglected - myself, my weight, my friends, my ambitions, my kids, my home, ~ get my point:)

YOU can do this! You sound like a thinker - that's a good and bad mix! Don't tear yourself up with thoughts! What is YOUR narrow path to recovery through this?