My W said, "You have that party this weekend. What is your plan?" I replied with "Oh, you mean you're not going to come?" Then I got the long pause, the look of I-am-trying-to-keep-my-frustration-inside, the long blink and then the soft, "No." I then said, "You don't want to help me?" which only got me more of the same.
I said, "OK, well, yes, I am going to take both of the kids, and the party is on Sunday."
I immediately went back to sounding unaffected, postive and playful with the kids, as if her decision not to go had no bearing on me whatsoever.
What she is doing is not fair to our C. I have to struggle when I am alone with the kids at one of my family functions, yet I am always with her and the kids at her family functions. I don't really let on how hard it is chasing two 2 year olds around without mom's help, but it isn't always easy, and the kids have to wonder why mom isn't with them. They are 27 months old and they are getting very smart and perceptive.
But I really viewed her response to this as being very telling. She is still rooted in anger and frustration even though I have been doing everything in my power to be everything I wasn't in the past in her eyes. My hopes have taken a major hit and it just seems that no matter what I do or how hard I try she just won't let go of the past. That's the part that angers me.
It doesn't mean I will change my behavior -- I will get over this on my own and remain the same person I have been. But I have to release this frustration somehow. It's a sinking feeling.
A old girlfriend of mine told me that she and her husband are getting a divorce. I was comparing notes with her and asked if her H changed his ways and turned over a new leaf would it do anything? She said, "No. I have given him 5-6 chances and he would change for 1-2 weeks and then go back to being the same person again."
I haven't had ONE chance. I got blindsided 5 months ago and have never been given a second chance. That's the part that kills me. I never cheated, drank, abused, nothing...
