Met with our MC yesterday, and I was very upfront about my concerns with living as "roommates" because of financial concerns. My wife was really upset about the change in plans because she thought we had come to some agreement and now this was going to be much harder.
So when I came home last night we talked about it and really agreed that it wouldn't work that way, that she has no intent to reconcile, and that it would be unhealthy for both of us and our children to maintain the status quo.
So now we have to try and straighten out our finances a bit so we can separate, figure out what/how to tell the kids, and then figure out fair and equitable custody arrangements. It's hard because we have so little money for anything, and the girls standard of living will drop dramatically in the short term; but money isn't everything and the finances will straighten themselves out in the long run.
It felt really good to be confident and strong despite wishing things were different. I want to avoid making hasty decisions we'll regret. My rough plan is:
1. Try and save enough $$ so she can move out to an appt. 2. At this point sever all financial connections except for money I contrib to raising the girls. 3. Once we're physically separated, begin the legal proceedings for divorce.
Surprisingly, the hardest part isn't realizing my W won't be in my life the same way she's been in the past, but realizing that I'll be losing time with my daughters. If anyone can point to a good resource for figuring out the smartest way to share custody in a joint custody scenario, i'd be grateful. Neither of us want to lose this time, and both of us want the other parent involved as much as possible; but obviously something has to give.
