Completely Blindsided

[blind]

Well, having kids around on the school holidays hasn't been the best thing - They've brought a stomach bug into the house, so I had today off work, laying around and trying to get over it.

Not all bad though, I finally slept last night. A friend recommended smelling lavender oil and it really did the trick!

Dancing is back next week in full swing, so hopefully I'll be able to pick things up a bit then and the sleep will come easier.

I've not replied to W's email. It's been a week and a half, but I just can't bring myself to. I don't know if anything I can say will help or change things. I was online talking to some friends the other day, she logged into her account, then logged off very quickly. She only uses this account to talk to me (it was fairly new when I moved, mainly so we could video chat), and it was kind of nice to know that she's waiting on me.

Maybe she'll realise that I'm not replying and it will make her understand that she's shoved me out the door.

Regardless, the week has been better for not replying. I've not been getting home, logging on and thinking "God, has she replied? She should have replied by now, why hasn't she replied?". *I* haven't replied... she's waiting for me, so I don't worry about being blindsided.

I feel a little guilty, like the inaction could be disastrous and can't help... but worst case scenario has already happened. She's gone... she can't leave me AGAIN.

I've had a week and a half TRULY focusing on me... and the things I'm doing and the people I'm meeting, and you know what? I'm enjoying it.

Maybe this is what dropping the rope feels like.