Eric..I am afraid and I am insecure. And sometimes I do get mad, but really I don't hold grudges..I don't stay mad for long. That is one of the things I like about me..and I don't even try to be that way...which is even better! And as for pride..i don't have a problem with that to much either. I mean of course I want to be able to hold my head up and have people think I'm a great person making wise decisons (who doesn't)..but I don't do things because of what anyone is going to think or not think. If this all turns around and he becomes an even better person and husband, i could give a flying fig if anyone thinks I took too much crap from him. i'll just feel blessed that we made it thru all of it.
So that's not it..the reason I would give up is because I want to be happy too. And since there's no guarantees with all this MLC bull-oney, i don't know if I want to waste years of my life waiting for my H to come back, when he might meet one of these honeys, get her pg and leave anyway. He's convinced himself that he wants 2 more kids..I can't give them to him..so he'll find some way to do it in the state of mind he's in. And I'll be left wondering what the heck i was doing.
But...(there's that word, Grit)I guess I don't have anything else to do and nowhere else to go..so I just may stick it out for a while longer.
I actually feel better when he is traveling for work these days. I don't have to fake stuff and watch him fake it either.
I'm sorry to hear that you are getting divorced, Eric. I hope she comes to her senses soon. She's really missing out on a great guy.
I had to sit here for a sec to think of how I would answer you two. You're right that it doesn't make sense that he would be treating me this way for no reason..all of a sudden. And reading the other stories and the way they are all so "scripted" for lack of a better word..well I can see that he is going thru some really weird, bad thing. But the pain you guys speak of..why pain..where does that come from? When I think pain, I think cringing, hurt, bleeding, suffering..he doesn't seem to be suffering one tiny bit. He seems to be having a pretty good time sneaking around with all of his girlfriends. he seems to be having a pretty good time saying mean and hateful little digs to me whenever he can get them in. And me..I'm not having a very good time. I don't even see that happening when I start to do things on my own and GAL. He will still be there reminding me of how he doesn't want me. At least he doesn't say it anymore..he doesn't have to. And his family..he f'd that up for me too. They hate me now. And I haven't DONE anything.
Anyway, I do feel bad that he is sick and obviously confused..but it's hard for me to believe that he doesn't know what he's doing. And then again..he seems to feel guilty sometimes too..oh I dont know..i have to just stop thinking about him..or I'll be right there with him in his misery and then who will be there to rescue US?
I am glad that you are sticking it out. Right now you do not need to worry about the statistics or the guarantee that you (and everyone else for that matter) are looking for. Yes he might meet a honey, he might meet 15 honey's - that is one way to look at it. OR he might come out of this, he might realize the wonderful woman that is his W, he might just come home a changed and better man. Don't focus on the "might" or "maybe" focus on YOU.
Tay - your goals should be to become whatever you want to be in your life. If your goal is to save your M - then listen to the advice that you are getting here. Listen closely...
Take it one day at a time. If need be one minute at a time. Try as hard as you can to remain calm and in peace. It is the peace that you have that just may draw him back.
As scripture would say...in God's time. Not ours. His.
As for my sitch - yes my W has filed. Does that mean I am defeated. NO Freaking way. Has the fat lady sang? I haven't heard her yet. Does this mean that my M is over? Well...to be honest with you the old M had to die. It was dead. That does not mean that a new M cannot be formed. A new R between two people who are healed, who are sure of WHO THEY ARE. If this new R is between me and my W - GREAT. If it is not = GREAT. Either way...I know who I am.
Tay - I was a wreak when I arrive...I did the work...(I'm still doing it)...and now I move forward with my life a changed man...a better man...You Tay can become better - I know you can and you will get through this. Don't rush...be still...
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
and Gritt...I saved you for last. Dancing with the stars..no you weren't kidding..I'll bet you have it on Tivo. Ha! I have seen the show a couple of times, believe it or not my H likes it. I'm more of an American Idol fan myself.
Anyway, I didn't think about adding to my H pain by walking. It seems like that's what he WANTS me to do. He has actually told me a couple of times that he thinks we should just go our separate ways..but then I freak out and do the crying/begging/ pleading thing and he feels bad and stays. I was prepared to just let it go the next time it came up. Just say ok..if that's what you want..then let's do it. I have always told him that I am going to stand by my man, that I wouldn't walk away because I know he's not thinking clearly right now, and that if he wanted the D, he would have to start it. I thought he would come back to me after he got the OW out of his system..but now he's going to have many many other women to get out of his system and it seems like it will never end. We talked abotu a 3 month trial in early May. He said he would give it 110% for three months so that we could both say we gave it our best shot and see what happens. he isn't, hasn't doesn't want to. So the 3 months is coming right up..he will tell me that he tried and it just didn't work..and it will be over.
I need to prepare for that. I've got alot to do if he files. But who knows, maybe I'll get this job, maybe he'll get fired, maybe he'll come to his senses, maybe I'll win a million dollars.
I do feel so much better today than I did yesterday. Holy cats..I was about ready to have a nervous breakdown yesterday. One day at a time, I guess..just like an alcoholic.
I think I need to read some stuff on co-dependency..know of any good books or internet sites?
i did read your thread..the first one was only 2 pages and then I couldn't tell where it went after that. I found some of your posts on other threads, but I'm still trying to figure out this forum thing.
Is your wife with you yet? My faith in God has helped me tremendously too.
Thanks for your kind words. Still can't figure out the tune for the broken record you sent. Ha!
Thanks Eric. I will try a little longer. and while I'm sticking it out I'll start doing my own thing...working on my stuff. I like doing that anyway. It's fun to learn new things especially about yourself..not always..but mostly.
You have all my prayers on the job front. I've found my friends to be the best sources of info on that front. As for the million dollars, Publisher's Clearing House sent my H's winning ticket to the house yesterday. I shredded it.
"When the student is ready the teacher will appear."
?
The teacher is always there.
You just can't see them.
I am not sure if I posted this to you before or not.
It is something that really boils everything down to a few words.
When you said your vows did you say:
Quote:
I promise to love and honor you all the days of my life
BUT
If you get scared and lose your way
THEN
I won't
Did you say that the day you got married?
Did you mean to say that the day you got married?
This is a promise.
The honor part?
Well I believe if your H (or my W) says they want a divorce then you honor that because it's their choice just like all these other choices they make right?
What you may not realize is this is also a promise for you.
You get what you give Taylor.
And it is all up to you
It is all YOUR choice.
The tune that goes along to my song?
I am thinking it follows that Frank Sinatra song
"It had to be YOU."
Follow me...
It's all about YOU...
ITS ALL ABOUT YOU...
I stumbled along and finally found the somebody who...
...
Wonderful YOU!
<piano note>
<piano note>
<piano note>
<clang of drum symbol>
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
