Yes, well I have been doing a huge shift these past few weeks as you all can tell. I've been set to move on, get a good lawyer to fight for more custody, call H on his emotional abuse and anger issues.
I've not communicated this to him. I have not communicated much. He has stopped sleeping here and I am experiencing far more peace and fewer panic attacks. I have cut communication to a minimum - only text and email and keeping it very breif and business like, as well as not responding immediately.
And what does H do? He's been calmer and nicer. I am trying to stop all my thoughts that try to guess what I'm doing to cause a shift in him. My old pattern is to say , hey, he's getting the message, this DB is working, there's hope he'll reconsile.
I'm fighting that urge. I was duped big time a number of times over the past year when H seemed to be coming closer and then found out he had no plans to be with me ever again, and the anger and abuse returned.
So I'm trying to hold my ground - hey, he could be in a good mood because he asked OW to marry him for all I know. So I'm writing this to remind myself and ask you all to keep me focussed on me and my son and standing up for us.
If we are to ever reconsile, I need to hold my boundaries much more firm this time. He has to really try, really express over a long period that he's sure he wants this, admit his part, leave OW for good. Despite myself, I must hold firm to these boundaries in my mind. And, he needs to continue to communicate in a calm and nice way. I can't allow myself to be pacified once again by a week of decent behavior. That bar is too low.
